Do you wake up a baby to feed them

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What is feeding, or feederism, and why is it dangerous?

Survival instructions

Daria Sukharchuk in adulthood. Afisha Daily asked people who were forced to eat how it affected them, and talked to psychologists and a nutritionist about the dangers of overfeeding.

Updated (May 17): The Merciless PR man Telegram channel published a post where he told how he deceived the Afisha Daily editor while preparing this material. In short, a letter arrived in the mail of Darya Blagovaya, in which the girl, who introduced herself as Marina, spoke about how her partner was force-feeding her. We became interested in this phenomenon and decided to look into the issue. It turned out that feederism is a common form of domestic violence, and we easily found heroes who experienced this, and also interviewed experts who understand the topic.

Since the story of the fictional Marina was included in the final text, the editors of Afisha Daily apologize to its readers (we consider editing the material - in this case after the fact - wrong). In our country, cases of domestic violence are recorded very rarely, so it is almost impossible to check whether the heroes actually experienced it. Under these conditions, we tend to believe victims of domestic violence and, with their consent, tell stories in public.

What child-feeding looks like

“The worst holidays of my life were the months we spent visiting my mother's friend's parents in Brandenburg,” Sascha says. At home, she was never forced to eat, but rather, on the contrary, she was taught to say in advance how much food she needed. But in Brandenburg, they put a huge plate from an old service in front of her, on which lay "a whole bunch of food": cabbage, potatoes with sauce, a pile of meat and "some cranberry or apple in the corner." “Traveling to the other side of this plate was like crossing a desert, only to cross it, I had to rake all this sand into myself,” the girl recalls. Most of all, it was not the fat content of the food that irritated her, but its quantity - even now, according to the already adult Sasha, one such plate would be enough for her for the whole day.

“I still remember these dinners as something terrible,” she says. “They were accompanied by endless discussions. There were absurd constructions about my future and how it would be spoiled if I didn’t eat enough. Once they even told me about their distant relative, a Frenchwoman, “wrong” and thin. In this family, French women were the embodiment of all the worst in a woman's life: they were simultaneously allegedly involved in prostitution, enjoyed it, and strove to have children out of wedlock. It all had something to do with their thinness."

Lyubov remembers that she was always a slender girl, ate little, and this did not bother her mother: she cooked dietary food herself and allowed her daughter to eat as much as she herself wanted. But it seemed to her grandmother and aunt, who lived in the village where Lyubov spent all her holidays since childhood, that she was too thin, and they fed her fatty foods: fried meat, lard pies, borscht. “They put a plate of food in front of me and forbade me to get up from the table until I had eaten everything,” she says. “It could go on for hours, the food got cold, it smelled bad, I fell asleep right at the table, but I couldn’t leave.” Sometimes one of the adults could sit next to them to hurry the child. They tried to feed love from a spoon, read endless lectures, in which they set the neighbor girls as an example: “They said that since they are so fat and strong, they will definitely be married, and no one will marry a bad one, because she will not be able to work. They also told me that food is the building blocks for my body, and since it is being built, I need to eat a lot. Lyubov says that even now, when she is thirty, her grandmother is still trying to feed her and at every meeting she repeats: “Eat, Lyubasha, eat!”

Why do adults force children to eat a lot? Victoria Suksova believes that children are so often fed on the territory of the former USSR, because for the older generations, satiety was a matter of survival, and thinness was perceived as a sign of poor health. Psychotherapist Vlad Bukhtoyarov also connects the tendency to food violence with painful memories of famine times: “In our countries, almost every family in the last couple of generations has faced hunger: many families have either memories, or a grandmother who remembers the blockade of Leningrad, the post-war famine, or even famine.

If the fear of hunger is more characteristic of older generations, then modern parents are more likely to be guided by expert advice. Victoria Suksova believes that now knowledge about how a child should develop and how much food he needs is often drawn from popular pedagogical literature and television programs. “A mother can seriously worry about the fact that her child does not eat all the prescribed 200 grams, because she is trying to fulfill her parental duty in accordance with certain standards broadcast by society and specialists,” says Suksova. “Besides, feeding may just be one of the manifestations of an authoritarian style of parenting, when the parent is used to the child doing everything as he is told.” Under this model, according to the psychologist, any disobedience can be seen as disrespect for the authority of adults. In this case, the specialist recommends that parents think about the consequences that their actions may entail, reflect on how this feeding may affect the child, their relationship in the future: “Sometimes you just need to stop and think: why am I doing this? What do I want in the future? What do I reinforce and develop with my words, actions?

Why do adults force other adults to eat? In the case of adults, feeding is more noticeable when a person is forced to eat some specific foods that do not suit him due to his tastes or beliefs. “In appearance, everything is decent: you are invited to the table, you are offered treats. However, you cannot refuse the meal entirely or even partially, because you depend on the inviter.

In Russian and foreign forums, you can find many stories (most often anonymous) about men forcing their partners to eat a lot and gain weight. This is a less common practice than coercion to lose weight - but at its core, they are in many ways similar. A similar story happened to Marina (the name was changed at the request of the heroine. - Note ed. ). When they met Ivan (name changed. - Note ed. ), Marina was 27 years old, her weight was kept at the level of 62–63 kg with a height of 167 cm. “My figure never differed in fragility, but I tried to keep myself in shape,” says Marina. - In the evenings, when Ivan stayed with me, he often brought food from restaurants. I didn’t see anything wrong with that - it’s nice when a loved one wants to pamper you. Ivan knew the phone numbers of all local delivery services. He was very caring and handsome. The sex was great. I kept thinking how lucky I was with a man.” But one day Marina fell ill, she had no appetite at all, but Ivan began to insist that she eat. Marina refused for a long time, and suddenly Ivan admitted that the process of eating excites him, and if she does not eat, he will be very upset.

Relations with Ivan began to revolve around food: gradually this topic began to occupy most of their conversations. Marina became annoyed by the "endless food" and her increased weight, due to which she stopped wearing her favorite things. She already weighed 85 kg, and Ivan began to jokingly call her "bun". Marina signed up for a gym and a nutritionist, and was able to convince Ivan to bring less food. But after a few months of classes, when the weight began to decrease, Ivan had another breakdown: he brought a package of food, the next evening everything happened again, and all Marina's efforts "went down the drain. " Quarrels over food began again, and one of them ended in a fight - then Marina decided that she had to run away. The next day, she packed her things and moved in with her mother. Since then, she no longer saw Ivan, although he continued to demand new meetings. By her own admission, Marina does not consider herself traumatized, and after parting, she felt great relief. The girl began to go to the gym again, and now she is happy with her weight. But until now, Marina does not like to go on dates to restaurants and hates pizza.

According to Svetlana Timofeeva, a person who tries to force feed his partner perceives him as an object and does not take into account his individual preferences and needs. “Food does have a certain erotic context,” says Vlad Bukhtoyarov. - In itself, the inclusion of food and fullness in the sexual game is normal. But, like everything in a healthy relationship, this should only happen with the mutual consent of both participants. Forcing a person to gain weight is no better than forcing him to lose weight, and what Ivan did was, of course, a form of violence. ”

Consequences of feeding

A person who was fed in childhood, in adult life may have a poor sense of his feelings - for example, not notice the feeling of satiety and hunger. Lyubov speaks about this: “In childhood, I simply did not separate the feeling of hunger from other unpleasant sensations, so I did not understand when I needed to eat. Once, already in my teens, I did not eat for several days - and then for the first time I was afraid of my own weakness. It seems to me that this is more of a nervous problem, because I never wanted to lose weight on purpose, I was already thin to the point of transparency. Now, according to Lyubov, she has no problems with nutrition, but sometimes she still has to remind herself to eat.

“In childhood and adolescence, a relationship with food is formed in a person - the child develops preferences for certain foods and trains the physiological mechanisms responsible for the feeling of hunger and satiety,” says nutritionist Maria Budryte, a graduate of King's College London. - In order to avoid problems with overeating in adulthood, a child needs to learn to eat in the amount that his body requires. A healthy body knows when it needs to eat, and children are no exception. If a child gets hungry, he will ask for it himself.” Vlad Bukhtoyarov also says that the child should decide for himself how much food he needs and when, parents only need to provide the child with access to the right food. However, according to the expert, the traditional model of parenting does not assume that the child has the freedom to make decisions - when the child will eat, sleep or play, parents usually decide.

According to Lyubov's recollections, visiting her grandmother felt almost constant stress, especially when it came to food. Victoria Suksova believes that force-feeding causes a more active protest in the child, because it is a violation of bodily boundaries. As a rule, feeding is perceived as more painful than, for example, forced viewing of "War and Peace", and spoils the relationship between the child and those who feed him more.

“For an adult, feeding can turn into problems with the digestive organs, as well as a feeling that they don’t put you in anything and don’t reckon with you. That you deserve to be “raped by food,” says Svetlana Timofeeva. According to her, such treatment and the suffering associated with it can also lead to an eating disorder - compulsive overeating or, conversely, refusal to eat. In the very situation of force-feeding, the person who is being fed will be angry and feel guilty, regardless of whether he agreed to eat what he did not want (and felt weak and insignificant), or refused (and offended the one who fed him), explains the psychotherapist.

When help is needed

According to Maria Budryte, both malnutrition and overeating are dangerous in childhood. Malnutrition can affect the development of the nervous and immune systems, as well as lead to excess weight in adulthood. If the child's parents suspect that the child is underweight or is not eating enough, they should consult a doctor. And treatment should take place under the supervision of specialists - nutritionists and endocrinologists.

Overeating, which feeding often leads to, is also dangerous: it can lead to obesity, which increases the risk of diabetes and cardiovascular disease in the future. In addition, it is sometimes associated with eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia in adolescence. “You should not scold the child for not finishing his portion or refusing to eat because he is already full,” Budrite says. “If the child systematically refuses to eat, try to understand the reasons for this behavior.”

For those who themselves seek to feed their loved ones against their will, family therapist Svetlana Timofeeva advises to think about what feelings they want to express by persistently offering food, and come up with another way to demonstrate them. “In some cases, the need to feed, feed, can mask other, deeper and unrealized needs of a person - for example, to be significant for another,” says Timofeeva. “Sometimes the feeder is affected by social or family attitudes that were relevant in the past, in an era of scarcity or famine, when the value of food was crucial.”

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foodit happened to mepsychologyviolencehow to livehealthy nutritionhealthPoster Daily All the worries and difficulties associated with pregnancy and childbirth are over. For nine long months you have been waiting for this happy moment. And now he is with you: your child, tiny and helpless.

Carefully and hesitantly you touch your fragile creation. Then you gently pet him and say your first words to him. Every mother instinctively feels that the baby needs the sound of her voice just like her closeness. When you stroke your newborn, he unconsciously stretches out his arms to you, trying to grab your fingers, and searches for your breasts with his mouth. It is very important from the first day, even in the hospital, to communicate with the child as much as possible. For the happy development of the child, your presence is as important as healthy nutrition and attentive care.

To understand what influences the process of breastfeeding, it is necessary to become familiar with both the natural function of the body to produce breast milk and the technique of breastfeeding. Success will largely depend on how you take care of your body, support and understand it correctly.

The production of breast milk is due to the sucking reflex of the baby. When the nerve endings of the nipple are irritated, impulses enter the mother's brain. The brain receives the message of impulses and the release of prolactin and oxytocin occurs. PROLACTIN promotes milk production in the upper breasts.

Factors influencing milk production:

- frequency of application and duration of the baby's stay at the breast;

- complete nutrition;

- drinking enough liquid;

- the correct position of the child at the breast.

There are three types of milk produced at this stage:

COLOSTER is the milk that the baby usually receives in the first few days after birth. It is often a yellowish or cream colored liquid and is more clear than the subsequent milk. Colostrum is necessary to meet the vital needs of your baby for the nutrients that are in it, the most rich in proteins, vitamins, minerals and large reserves of antibodies for the development of the child's immune system. Colostrum is usually produced within two days after delivery.

Milk that is produced and follows immediately after colostrum is called INTERMEDIATE MILK. This milk contains more calories than colostrum and is rich in fat, lactose, and water-soluble vitamins. It is produced approximately within 2 weeks after childbirth.

NATURAL MILK is the milk that is produced in the end, and it is his child who receives the long time during which you decided to breastfeed your child. Although you may be surprised by the small amount of milk produced at the beginning of breastfeeding (at first glance it seems watery), don't worry, because your baby is getting excellent nutrients from your breast milk no matter what. Pediatricians have noticed that breast milk is the optimal nutrition for the first six months of life!

Oxytocin promotes the release of milk and its movement down the milk ducts, in other words, supports the reflex called "trigger". Oxytocin stimulates the small muscles around the cells that produce breast milk, thereby causing them to contract. Such contractions promote the release of milk through small holes located below the areola (peripapillary region, the darkest part of the breast around the nipple). Based on this, one can easily understand why the baby should be applied to the areola, and not just to one nipple, since the outflow of milk is possible only when sucking or massaging the areola. Proper breastfeeding is possible only with the help of a child who, while suckling, massages the peripapillary region with his upper jaw, contributing to the free flow of milk. When feeding from a bottle, the baby uses only his lips - it is much easier for him to suck, and therefore, over time, becoming lazier, he may completely abandon such hard work as sucking at the breast.

Oxytocin, produced during feeding, also promotes uterine contractions, thus restoring its prenatal size.

Factors that may affect the lack of production and outflow of milk:

- the child does not suckle correctly;

- your concern;

- lack of confidence that you will succeed;

- pain;

- stress;

- general fatigue.

THE BEST NUTRITION FOR THE FIRST YEAR OF LIFE - MOMMA'S MILK

Breast milk is easy to digest and contains all the nutrients a baby needs. Breastfed babies are less prone to colds, ear infections, stomach upsets, and the mother has an easier postpartum period and less likely to develop breast and ovarian cancer in the future ...

Every woman can successfully breastfeed her child, regardless of the shape and size of her breasts and nipples . Some people do it easily, others need time and help. During pregnancy, no preparation of the nipples for feeding is required, because only after childbirth, the nipple and areola have the ability to stretch, which greatly facilitates the attachment of the baby to the breast. It is necessary to start breastfeeding in the first hour of life after the birth of a child.

After childbirth, there is never a lot of colostrum in the breast, but each drop is worth its weight in gold. It has protective properties against infection, prevents the development of allergies. This is a protein-rich and vitamin-rich food for your child. Before feeding with colostrum, the child should not receive any other food or drink.

HOW OFTEN SHOULD YOU FEED YOUR CHILD?

From the first hours of life, feed your baby day and night and be prepared for the fact that the baby will breastfeed frequently (sometimes up to 20 times a day). Frequent feeding is necessary for the child, because the size of his stomach is small, and he cannot absorb a large amount of milk at once. In addition to satiation, the child has a psychological need to suckle at the breast: a feeling of closeness to the mother, which allows him to feel safe. Frequent on-demand breastfeeding promotes milk retention in the breast. By 4-6 weeks of a child's life, a feeding regimen is established. Remember: in the first month of life, a child should eat at least 8 times a day, i.e. the interval between feedings should be no more than 3-4 hours during the day and 6 hours at night. Wake up the child with gentle touches if he wakes up this time. Do not be afraid that frequent sucking will cause you pain in the chest and the appearance of cracked nipples. To avoid this, it is necessary to properly attach the baby to the breast

.

Get comfortable. Hold your chest, holding it with your hand from below. The baby at the breast must lie on its side. Press the baby with your tummy to yourself, lightly tickle the nipple at the baby's sponge. Wait until the child opens his mouth wide, sticks out his tongue, puts it on the bottom lip. Then bring the baby to your breast instead of reaching for it. The child should capture 2-5 cm of the areola with his mouth: the child's chin is pressed to the mother's chest, the lower sponge is turned outward. Do not be afraid if the baby's nose touches the mother's breast: the baby can breathe through the edges of the wings of the nose.

General rule: Feed your baby when he wants and for as long as he wants. The baby will decide when enough is enough and will either release the breast on its own or fall asleep. Do not wean your baby from the breast when he is resting with the nipple in his mouth during feeding. The duration of feeding is not of fundamental importance, it depends on the nature of your child: one needs 15-20 minutes to saturate, the other 40-45 minutes. Try to make sure that the baby burps a little after feeding (with air). To do this, hold him upright, leaning forward a little, and at the same time give him a little pat on the back. It is desirable that the child sucks the breast to the end for feeding, because. before each feeding, milk consists of 2 parts: liquid milk comes at the beginning of the feeding, and concentrated liquid milk comes at the end of the feeding. with liquid milk he receives all the necessary amount of water, vitamins, protein, microelements and does not need to be supplemented, and with fat milk he receives all the elements necessary for growth and development.

SHOULD I EXPRESS MILK FROM THE BREAST AFTER FEEDING THE BABY?

If the baby has not sucked all the milk out of the breast at one feeding, then at the next feeding, offer him the same breast so that he receives full-fat milk, and then transfer it to the second breast and let him suck as much as he wants. Start the next feeding on the second breast. With such feeding, pumping of the breast is not required, because. the baby regulates the amount of milk he produces. Sometimes when the breasts are overflowing with milk, a small amount of liquid milk can be expressed to feel comfort in the chest.

Wash your breasts once a day during your hygienic shower. Before each feeding, express a few drops of milk and lubricate the nipple and areola with them. After feeding, express a few drops of fat milk, lubricate the nipple and areola with them, hold the breast open for 15-20 minutes to dry the nipples. On the skin of the areola there are small glands that secrete a liquid that has the smell of amniotic fluid. The child got used to this smell for 9months of intrauterine life, and he draws the baby to your breast. That is why lubrication of the nipples with ointments, creams is undesirable, because. worsens the condition of the skin of the nipples.

IS THE BABY GETTING ENOUGH MILK?

If you have any doubts whether your baby is getting enough milk, there are two reliable signs that indicate that there is enough milk in your breast:

1. Weight gain in the first 6 months of life at least 125 grams per week;
2. The child urinates more than 6 times a day (provided that he is not supplemented with water or supplemented with some other food).

WHEN BREASTFEEDING, IT IS NOT RECOMMENDED TO GIVE WATER TO A CHILD, AND THE INTRODUCTION OF COMPLETE FEEDING STARTS FROM 4-6 MONTHS OF AGE ON AGREEMENT WITH A PEDIATRICIST.

HOW TO INCREASE THE AMOUNT OF MILK IN THE BREAST?

If your breasts become less milky at any time, increase the number of feedings. Do not despair and do not rush to supplement the baby with mixtures, because. Only frequent breastfeeding can restore the required amount of milk for your baby.

HOW DO I CORRECTLY FEED AN EXPRESSED MILK?

If it becomes necessary to feed the baby with expressed milk, the baby should be fed from a cup or spoon - never! this will cause nipple confusion and may lead to breast failure.

ALLERGY IN THE FAMILY

If there is an allergy in the family (pollen allergy, asthma, urticaria in you, the child's father, or siblings), then the child should not eat anything other than mother's milk for the first six months. You need to avoid specific foods, but seek the advice of your doctor if you are still in doubt. In general, the later you introduce solid foods into your child's diet (assuming he is growing and feeling well), the better.

Until what age does a child need breast milk?

According to WHO/UNICEF recommendations, breast milk fully satisfies a child's nutritional needs for at least the first six months. Milk also satisfies the need to drink, so the baby does not need additional liquid until some new food is introduced into his diet.

The UN international document "Action Plan for the Implementation of the Declaration on the Survival, Protection and Development of Children", signed by a representative of our country, sets the goal of "ensure that all women breastfeed their children only during the first 4-6 months of life and continue breastfeeding , using additional food, in the second year of life.

The digestive system of an infant during the first 4 months is not adapted to process any food other than breast milk. Therefore, the introduction of complementary foods at this age causes rejection by the body, which is expressed in an allergic reaction.

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