The baby whisperer dream feed

When, What, & How to Dream Feed the Right Way!

If you haven’t heard of a dream feed before, you may be asking yourself “what is a dream feed” exactly?!

This term was coined by The Baby Whisperer to describe a feeding you perform in the late evening hours while your baby is asleep. You simply rouse them gently enough that they take in a feeding before you go to bed, in order to improve their night sleep.

Babies will instinctually take in what they need during that feeding (either by breast or bottle).

If you have been wondering if a dream feeding is the answer to your infant’s night wakings, then this blog will cover all the information you need to try it out!

Some frequently asked questions we will cover are:

How to dream feed
What ages to dream feed (dream feed baby, dream feed newborn)
When to stop dream feed
Is dream feeding safe?
Dream feed schedule
Do you burp during a dream feed? (or wind after a dream feed)
How much do you feed during a dream feed?
Dream feed pros and cons
How to wake a baby for the dream feed
How to drop the dream feed

Why would a dream feed work (or what is the theory behind it)? If your baby typically does a bedtime feeding around 7pm, then they may wake at 11pm, 12am, 1am to eat again. That means you may have only been asleep for an hour or 2 yourself!

By giving a feeding in the 10pm (or so) hour, you eliminate the waking out of true hunger and may allow baby to sleep longer (and you too)! In other words, it resets their feeding clock back to zero.

This essentially elongates the baby’s long stretch of sleep to align with parents so they are getting more sleep.

We are filling their tummy up before they have the chance to get hungry and wake you up in the middle of the night.

A dream feed can also be useful to temporarily implement when you begin sleep training. This way baby does not associate waking and crying with being fed. You can feed while they are asleep and comfort/soothe when they are awake.

Some may even consider this a tear-free way to night wean a little one.

Another way the term “dream feed” is used, is by bedsharing+breastfeeding moms. Most of the time a baby will only rouse a little bit, nurse, and fall back to sleep without waking and crying. Essentially they are eating in their sleep or very light sleep cycles.

You may find that the idea of the dream feed is more well known and popular than the actual results of the dream feed. It may be the equivalent of an Urban Myth. Read on to find out why!

How to Dream Feed?

Ideally, we want the baby to stay asleep or doze during the dream feeding. Follow these steps to dream feed your little one:

Step one: Gently rouse your little one just enough that they latch onto the bottle or breast. They need to alert enough to eat, but not so much that they wake up and are cranky. That could throw off the whole night!Some babies are roused enough just by taking them out of their sleeping space, others may need a little more!Pro tip: The best way to rouse them is to initiate the rooting reflex by stroking their cheek.
Step two: Feed the baby! Simple, right? Make sure their head is slightly elevated. If you’re having trouble getting them to latch, then they are not awake enough.
Do not give up! It may not work the first few times. Try to give it a consistent effort for a week before deciding if it works for your family.

It is important to note that there is very little (or none) evidence based research to prove whether a dream feed is effective or not. It is mostly anecdotal information.

What ages to dream feed (dream feed baby, dream feed newborn)?

There is a wide variance on what ages to dream feed. You can start a dream feed for your baby at any time or dream feed newborn.

Imagine you have a little one who is really fussy in the late evening hours. It's probably because of the witching hour baby time period. It's important to know what age does the witching hour stop and how to handle it. Parents often preemptively feed them during that phase and avoid having another lengthy waking from a fussy baby.

You can definitely introduce this concept at any age, however as a professional, I find it works best (if it is going to work) prior to 3-4 months of age when they already have multiple night feedings.

When to stop the dream feed?

It typically works best to try to wean the dream feeding before 6-9 months of age. After that, it can disrupt sleep even more than it helps.

Babies tend to become a lot more alert by that age and will fully wake up, wanting to play when you are trying to sneak in that extra feeding!

If you find that your little one is having a difficult time settling after you have done the dream feed, then that is usually a sign to stop the dream feed.

It is important to remember that this is a short term solution to night wakings and will eventually become a habit.

Some pediatricians will agree that babies do not need feedings in the night after 6 months of age, but every baby is different. so it's important to know when do babies sleep through the night

Since a dream feed is typically done to get a little one sleeping through the night, it is definitely best to check in with your pediatrician!

Is dream feeding safe?

Dream feeding is totally safe, when you feed just like you would during the day! It is not safe if you prop a bottle or feed the baby while they are lying flat as this is a choking hazard.

You also want to make sure you are alert while feeding your little one so that you do not risk falling asleep holding them while on an unsafe surface (like a recliner) or dropping them should you doze off.

To read more about safe sleep, check out this blog!

Dream Feed Schedule

A dream feeding schedule would look something like:

6 or 7pm bedtime feeding
10 or 11pm dream feeding
3, 4, 5am night feeding (and this waking gets later and later as baby grows, develops their long stretch of sleep, and eventually sleeps through until their normal morning wake up!)
Without the dream feeding, it may look something like:
6 or 7pm bedtime feeding
12am night feeding
4am night feeding

Which means you are waking twice, instead of just once further fragmenting your night sleep as well as theirs.

Do you burp after a dream feeding? (or wind after a dream feeding?)

Absolutely! Burping is typically easier during the night when they are more relaxed. You will want to do this to avoid any discomfort waking your baby soon after you put them down.

This can also help to avoid them spitting up after the dream feeding. It is helpful to hold them upright for 10 or so minutes after the feeding to allow them time to digest, get the air out and relax back into a deeper sleep when you put them back down.

Some babies naturally take in less air during the dream feed because they are more relaxed. In this case, they may not burp but you should still try to get one out.

How much do you feed during a dream feeding?

There is no right or wrong answer to this one; you can do a small “snack” feeding of 2-3oz, you could do their normal 4-6oz, you could feed on one side if breastfeeding, or feed on both sides!

Some babies will only drink a tiny amount, some will take in the full feeding.

You know your baby best, so you can experiment and see what works!

Dream Feed Pros and Cons

Pros for the dream feeding:

Extends their night sleep (and yours!)
Babies sleep through with less disrupted sleep
Their sleep is more aligned with yours
May help a breastfeeding mom’s supply (or you could pump before you go to bed if you would rather and the dream feeding is not working!)
It can lessen the amount of time your baby cries by anticipating their need for food
Anticipates their need for food and takes the guesswork out of night wakings
Sleepy babies are cranky babies, so by ensuring baby wakes less frequently at night, baby may be less cranky during the day
For moms, knowing they may get a few extra hours of sleep instead of going to bed wondering when the next waking may be, will actually improve their sleep (even if it doesn’t actually work- kind of like a placebo effect)
May help baby avoid any pain associated with reflux after a feeding
If your little one is struggling with intake during the day, the night feed can get the extra calories in that they might have missed

Cons for the dream feeding:

You may have to stay up later to get it in
May not always work unfortunately (this means they may not sleep longer after it, or may wake more frequently because of it)
May disrupt their sleep (they may not go back to sleep easily after eating at that time)
Disrupts baby’s natural sleep cycle (and interrupts their most restorative sleep they will get during the night)
Can be difficult to drop it (it becomes habitual when we condition them to eating at that time)
Some will say this goes against “feeding on demand” and is forcing a meal on your little one they may not already want/need
It reinforces that food equals sleep, enforcing the brain and tummy connection. It just blows past feeding cues from our little ones
It can overfill a baby’s tummy and cause sleep disruption plus gastrointestinal discomfort
According to care.com, “When baby becomes dependent on dream feeding, no learning is taking place, and it's possible that he'll lose his ability to suck purposely, says Potock. "My recommendation is to keep a balance between dream feeding and conscious suckling. That way, baby is soothed and comforted and may even fall asleep at the breast or toward the end of a bottle, but is still learning to suck-swallow-breathe with intention over time."

How to wake a baby for the dream feed?

If your baby is having a hard time waking (just enough) to eat, then you can try a few different things:

You can try at a different time of the night. If your baby is in a deep sleep cycle, then you can wait until you see them in a light sleep cycle to feed; they may be easier to rouse at that point!

You can unswaddle them from the bottom and change their diaper (or use a Kyte BABY sleep bag which has a zipper at the bottom to make night time changes easier).

Rub a wet cloth or wet wipe on their cheek.

Tickle the bottom of their feet (annoying them just enough to get them to latch onto the bottle or breast).

Try changing the position you are holding baby in (switch sides for example).

Express some milk from the bottle or breast onto their lips; this may entice them to open their mouth enough to eat!

Pro tip: if you need light, use something soft, like a salt lamp. A salt lamp will not interrupt melatonin production which means you can go to sleep much easier after doing the dream feed.

“The great thing about babies is that they have a natural instinct to suck if they’re at a nipple,” says Jason Freedman, co-author of the book The Dream Feed Method.

Remember, this is a great way for dad to help out! If you are formula feeding, you can take shifts and dad can give the dream feed so that mom can get in a nice long stretch of sleep in the beginning of the night.

If you are breastfeeding, you could consider introducing a bottle, pumping some milk before you go to bed and allowing dad to give the bottle for the dream feeding-- again, giving mom a great long stretch of sleep!

For newly postpartum moms, sleep is so important! If you feel like you could be suffering from postpartum depression or anxiety, then use this list from the National Sleep Foundation to check in with yourself and see if the dream feed helps you rest better!

How to drop the dream feed?

You will wait to drop the dream feeding until your baby is able to sleep from the dream feed to their normal morning wake up time, through any other night feedings.

You may choose to keep the dream feeding at that point, or you may want to wean it.

Once they are sleeping from the dream feeding to the morning wake up and have dropped any night feedings or early morning feedings, you will try to wait about 2 weeks before dropping the dream feed.

When you are ready to drop the feeding, you have a lot of options!

You could wean the amount of ounces you are feeding if you are bottle feeding (by ½ an ounce every second or third night; more if you are in a hurry)
You could wean the amount of time you are feeding if you are breastfeeding (so you would want to take note of how long the dream feed takes and then you can cut it by 1-2 minutes every second or third night)
You could also drop the feeding cold turkey and utilize baby sleep training method to address any night wakings

The dream feed method book suggests dream feeding a newborn at 1 and 4am (give or take), and gradually moving those feedings earlier until you are down to one feeding and moving that one earlier until you no longer need it.

They also boast this will get your baby sleeping through the night by 4 months. As a professional, I believe this is a little bit ambitious, but if it helps families get more sleep (even if it does not mean sleeping through the night completely without feedings) then I am all for it!

As always, address this with your healthcare provider as they are able to assess your child’s growth and overall health!

It will also be easier to drop the dream feed if your child is already an independent sleeper at bedtime! Otherwise, when they wake up, they will need assistance getting back to sleep even if you are not feeding them.

Another important factor when working to drop a dream feed is to make sure you have a great day time routine.

This is important because:

This ensures they are getting an appropriate amount of sleep (so they are not waking because they are over or undertired at night)
Their nutritional needs are met (getting in nice, full feedings during the day and they are not skipping feeds)
Sets up their circadian rhythm/biological clock
Meeting their needs before they meltdown

A helpful practice to put into place is to offer soothing at every waking as opposed to feeding at every waking. You can implement a sleep training method (like pick up put down) or offer a pacifier and see if that soothes them back to sleep.

Typically, you cannot soothe a hungry baby without a feeding! (No, this is not always the case so again, check in with your health care provider.)

It is also helpful to practice “le pause” for any wakings. If you are not familiar with “le pause”, you can read more about it here. Essentially, you stop, wait, and listen to what your child sounds like when they wake up.

If it is pretty mild fussing, grunting, etc and not full out crying, then you may be comfortable practicing that pause in order to let your little one settle back into their next sleep cycle.

If they are truly upset and need intervention, then you can step in for reassurance!

The worst case scenario with dropping the dream feed is that they continue to wake for it. In that case, you may choose to add it back in for a short period of time and try again later.

Pro tip: while introducing a dream feed, consider sizing up in diapers, using night time diapers, or inserting diaper booster pads as the extra intake may cause them to leak out of their diaper.

Takeaways about dream feed

Forget all the “rules.” There are no hard and fast rules. You can try it at 9pm, 10pm, 11pm.

You can swaddle or unswaddle. You can change their diaper or leave them as undisturbed as possible.

Do not panic if they wake up. Just keep the interactions low, lights down, and make it a relaxing feeding for you both.

Try not to stress if you attempt the dream feed and it does not work! It may not work right away and it is up to you if you would like to continue trying it, or let your baby lead the way with night feedings.

Either way is perfectly fine. Find what works for you and your baby! Do not get frustrated if it doesn’t work for your little one. There are a lot of other options out there to get you both better sleep!

We all know that new babies come with a certain level of sleep deprivation, and a dream feed can be one way to combat that.

There haven’t been any proper randomised, controlled studies into dream feeding so most of the pros and cons are based on anecdotal evidence and people’s opinions.

It definitely does not hurt to try it!

Best case, it buys you some extra hours of sleep and worse case, you wake at your normal feeding times.

Author Bio: Ashley Olson is a certified pediatric sleep consultant, owner of Heaven Sent Sleep, and passionate about helping new parents, experienced parents, desperate and sleep-deprived parents form healthy sleep habits for their children.

She has over 3 years of experience in working with families and has completed over 150 hours of coursework plus continuing education related to infant and toddler sleep. The focus of her work is on fostering a routine that grows your bond with your child while improving their sleep habits. She specializes in custom sleep plans and one on one support in changing sleep practices!

The Basics of a Dreamfeed for Helping Baby Sleep

April 29, 2021August 20, 2018 by valplowman

The basics of a dreamfeed. The things you need to know to help the dreamfeed effectively work for your baby to sleep through the night.

The dreamfeed is a helpful tool to help your baby sleep through the night when you, the parent, are also sleeping through the night.

Baby needs so many feedings in a 24 hour period, and the dreamfeed is a way to make sure another feeding happens during your day so fewer feedings need to happen during your night.

The term “dreamfeed” comes from the book Secrets of the Baby Whisperer (affiliate link) by Tracy Hogg.

A dreamfeed is simply a late feeding that starts typically between 10-11 PM. The baby is already in bed, but you go in and feed baby one last time before heading off to bed yourself.

The idea here is that baby gets a feeding in just before you go to sleep. When baby starts sleeping 7-8 hours straight without eating, these 7-8 hours then fall between 10-6, giving you a good night stretch to sleep yourself.

The dreamfeed is not necessary. If you would rather feed baby and put her to bed in the 7-8 PM hour and then head to bed yourself, go for it. The downside to not doing a dreamfeed is that it will likely be that the 7-8 hour stretch of sleep between night feedings will come between 7 PM-2 AM instead of 10 PM-6 AM.

If you are okay with this, there is nothing wrong with it. What you have to do is be prepared so when you hear stories of the 8 week old sleeping through the night, from 10-6, and yours is still waking up around 2 am, you can not be discouraged.

You can remind yourself that your baby is also sleeping well and there is nothing to worry about.

Post Contents

Does a Dreamfeed Work for All Babies?
What You Need to Know About the Dreamfeed
Dreamfeed Time
Dreamfeed Location
Dreamfeed How
Dreamfeed Ages
Dreamfeed Conclusion
Related Posts to Help Your Dreamfeed

Does a Dreamfeed Work for All Babies?

In general, a dreamfeed works well for most babies. Some babies take work to get to take the dreamfeed initially.

I had babies who needed a lot of time and effort put into establishing the dreamfeed before it was really a benefit.

For me, it was something I wanted to establish. I wanted to be able to stay up past baby’s bedtime to spend time with my husband. With effort, I established a dreamfeed with those babies.

Some babies do not respond well to the dreamfeed. Some won’t wake up for it and some sleep more soundly through the night without it.

Always do what is best for your baby; however, also be sure the dreamfeed legitimately does not work and the problems is not with your implementation of the dreamfeed.

Some babies are very particular about certain aspects of the dreamfeed, so you might be able to tweak one thing and get a great stretch of sleep in the night.

What You Need to Know About the Dreamfeed

Here are the basics of a dreamfeed to help you get baby sleeping through the night.

Dreamfeed Time

The time of the dreamfeed is usually between 10-11 PM. If you get the timing too late, you start to run into disrupting natural circadian rhythms, so experiment with times within that hour. I have had babies who were very sensitive to the timing of the dreamfeed. For example, 10:35 meant the baby slept well that night, but 10:30 or 10:45 meant a fitful night of sleep was ahead of me as well as an early morning waking. I literally set an alarm on my phone so I could get the timing right for that baby.

Please note the time of the dreamfeed is between 10-11 PM. Do not start 11 or later unless you are fully positive your baby needs to go later. Try that 10 PM hour before moving into the 11 PM hour.

To learn more about circadian rhythm and how it impacts sleep patterns, read this post.

Dreamfeed Location

I did the dreamfeed in the baby’s room. I kept the light as dim as possible (I always had my husband install a dimmer in the baby’s room if there wasn’t one there. You could also use a lamp). I would go in and close the door after me so the room could stay dark and quiet with no distractions.

Dreamfeed How

Ideally, you will get baby, feed baby while baby is still drowsy, and put baby back to bed all without ever waking baby up. Do try to burp your baby even if you are worried about waking baby up. You don’t want baby getting an uncomfortable gas bubble and wake up in pain later in the night.

Younger babies, like newborns, might need to be woken up more for the dreamfeed to get them to eat anything. You might need to unswaddle your baby to wake baby up enough, but you might find unswaddling wakes baby up too much.

Many people wonder if they should do a diaper change or not at the dreamfeed. I change a diaper for newborns. In older babies, I don’t typically change the diaper unless there is, of course, a bowel movement.

If your baby is not responding well to the dreamfeed, you might either not be waking baby up enough or you might be waking baby up too much. This was my process for a newborn’s dreamfeed:

Get baby up
Unswaddle baby
Feed baby half the feeding. You might have to work to get baby to wake up. Here are some tips on feeding sleepy newborns
Burp baby
Change baby’s diaper
Give baby gas medicine or gripe water if needed
Reswaddle baby
Feed the other half of the feeding
Burp baby
Put baby back in bed. Baby does not need to be asleep, but I did make sure baby was relaxed as I explain in the article The Four S’s (I also show it on video).

This pattern enables you to wake baby up more initially to eat since newborns are typically very sleepy in general. It also gets baby’s diaper changed. Then it gets baby all cozy again so she can go right to sleep when the dreamfeed is all done.

For an older baby who wakes up easily, you might leave baby swaddled the whole time. You might start off by unswaddling and changing the diaper right away, then reswaddling before you start to feed baby (the risk here is baby messes the diaper after you start the feeding).

If your baby keeps the dreamfeed until baby is older, you might not change the diaper or unswaddle at all. I had two babies who kept the dreamfeed until 6/7 months old, and as they got to be older, I just went in, fed, and put baby back to bed (it is worth noting neither baby was still swaddled by that older age).

Dreamfeed Ages

The dreamfeed is ideal between newborn and about 4 months old. Most of my babies held on to a dreamfeed beyond 4 months old. Hogg suggests keeping the dreamfeed until 8 months old. Go with what works best for your individual baby. Once your baby is ready to drop the dreamfeed, see Dropping the “Dream Feed.”

Dreamfeed Conclusion

The dreamfeed can be something that really helps you to get good sleep at night so you can function during the day. It can take effort to establish it, but it is well worth your efforts! For more information, see my post on Dreamfeed FAQs.

Breastfeeding on demand

You can often hear from a nursing mother: "I feed on demand, my baby requires a breast every 3. 5 hours." Or: “I have always fed on demand. In a year, we already had 1 feeding in the evening, and my child calmly refused to breastfeed. Before talking about the demand of the child, it is necessary to find out what modern women mean when they say - "I breastfeed."

Modern mothers consider breastfeeding necessary for feeding their baby. Just for feeding. Breast milk is food, the mother supplies the baby with the nutrients necessary for growth and development. When a baby suckles at the breast, he eats. Breastfeeding makes sense only as a process of supplying proteins, fats, carbohydrates, vitamins and microelements.

During suckling, the baby receives the nutrients it needs with mother's milk. This is the absolute truth. There is another unconditional truth, which is not given any importance in modern society, it is not taken into account and is not considered. Breastfeeding for a child is communication with the mother. We need to figure out how the child understands feeding on demand? Can he understand anything at all? Is there any difference for him how he is fed, for 15-20 minutes after 3. 5 hours or in some other way?

What is on-demand feeding

On-demand feeding of a newborn baby means putting it to the breast for every squeak or search. Squeak and search movements in newborns, even as early as the second or third day of life, begin to appear much more often than after 3.5 or 2.5 hours. The need for attachments increases rapidly, and by the 10-12th day of life, the need to attach to a child may occur 15-16 or more times a day. Applications vary in duration. The baby can fall asleep and sleep while sucking for, for example, 1.5-2 hours. Can release the breast after 1-2 minutes. And then ask her again. Why does a child need such frequent contact with his mother's breast?

That's why. Being in the mother's belly, in a calm, familiar environment, listening to the noises of the mother's body, being in a warm, cramped, confined space, the baby sucked his fist, fingers, loops of the umbilical cord, swallowed amniotic fluid. Learned to suck and swallow. After birth, experiencing discomfort for any, the most insignificant reason, the baby tries to get rid of it. You can get rid of discomfort by getting into the usual conditions of a comfortable stay. The only place where the baby after birth can feel the sensations familiar to him is in the arms of the mother. The only familiar action is sucking. The only familiar taste and smell is the taste and smell of milk and lube in the areola. Milk and lubricant have an odor and taste similar to the taste and smell of amniotic fluid. Therefore, experiencing discomfort, the baby squeaks, or begins to look for an object to suck with his mouth. Ideally, it is immediately applied to the chest. The baby becomes warm, cramped, he hears the beating of his mother's heart, breathing, grumbling in the intestines, he sucks and feels the familiar taste and smell. If such an action happens constantly, the baby gains confidence, no matter what happens, he will solve all his problems with his mother. The place of comfort is now under the breast, and you can suck on the breast.

This whole process is biologically justified. A newborn child does not feel the feeling of hunger, this feeling is not formed in him. It will begin to form at about two months of age. How to feed a creature that does not experience hunger ?! How to encourage him to take some action to get food? This can be done only at the expense of some other incentives. This stimulus for the newborn is constant bodily discomfort, thanks to which he wants to suckle all the time! The most intense, frequent and prolonged sucking in infants is observed in the first two or three months of life. It is in these first months that the main weight gain of the baby occurs.

Feeding in the first month

Baby falls asleep with breast in mouth, sleeps sucking for a while. Falling asleep deeply, lets go of the chest. After sleeping for a while, he wakes up, and is applied on waking. After sleep, he can stay awake for some time, for example, an hour and a half. During wakefulness, he may feel discomfort 2-3 times, for example, from a completely natural desire to pee, and having called his mother for help, having kissed for a couple of minutes, he will do his deeds. Then he will want to sleep, feel discomfort and, kissing his chest, will again fall asleep sucking. After some time, he will wake up and attach again. Then again a little "walk". And after some time, he will fall asleep at the chest again.

The daytime naps of a one-month-old infant feeding on demand vary in duration and number. There can be 4-6 dreams during the day, and they can last from 5-15 minutes to 2-2.5 sometimes 3 hours. "Around" each dream, the baby is applied to the chest, and applied between dreams several times. At night, the child falls asleep at the breast. Usually in the early morning hours, he begins to fuss and apply. In the morning, he almost never fully wakes up. The baby sleeps, from time to time, sucking on his mother's breast. Waking up in the morning, the baby is again applied to the chest. If you count all the attachments that have happened in a baby of one month of age, then approximately 16-20 attachments are obtained. This is how a newborn human cub behaves if it is given the opportunity to behave in accordance with physiological and psychological needs, which, by the way, are genetically determined. The child of the first months of life does not separate his personality from the personality of the mother and from her breast. Mom and her breasts, and everything connected with them, are the universe of the baby and himself.

In most cases, a modern woman, being afraid to “accustom a child to hands”, strives to limit his requests for sucking. A pacifier and a bottle of tea or water come to her aid in this matter. They, too, can be sucked ... The need for sucking seems to be satisfied. But only the need for communication with the mother during suckling is not satisfied, the peculiar chain of mutual assistance and cooperation between mother and baby is destroyed, the formation of maternal affection and concentration is disrupted. Is the difference in the two actions noticeable to the reader: the baby cried, the mother took him, put him to her chest and started rocking him, or gave him a pacifier and started rocking the stroller, even with the words “Why are you crying, my sun?”

The modern woman who gives a pacifier and pumps a stroller is not a bad person deliberately harming an infant. She is simply in captivity of prejudices regarding the relationship between mother and baby. She does not know how to behave correctly, does not know what to do in accordance with the natural needs of the child. If you tell her what the child really needs, she will exclaim in horror: “What is it, don’t let him get away with?!” Indeed, the child of the first months of life must not be let off the hook. For a woman who does not know how to comfortably carry a baby, and who does not know how to feed him in various positions (sitting, lying, standing and even moving), this can be very difficult. Especially if she is not sure of the correctness of her actions.

An action that should become automatic for the mother of a newborn: when the baby cries or shows other signs of anxiety, put the baby to the breast.

What's next?

The baby is growing. A fairly stable rhythm of daytime sleep begins to form in him, and a 3-4-month-old baby behaves quite differently from a newborn. Feeding on demand at this age looks something like this...

At three months, the baby has 10-12 feeds during the day and 2-4 at night. There are frequent applications for a short time, but their number is reduced. There may be a long night break in feedings, about 5 hours, but this is very rare. Much more often the night break is 2.5-3.5 hours. By this age, the baby's body is noticeably rounded.
At four months, the baby begins to breastfeed noticeably less frequently. The main feedings are associated with sleep: the baby suckles before bedtime, during awakening and during sleep, both daytime and nighttime. In this regard, he has a fairly accurate feeding regimen. And many babies stop breastfeeding when they wake up after daytime sleep, sometimes as early as 2.5-3 months.
At five months, the baby has 8-10 daytime feedings and 2-3 nighttime, attachments as well as in the fourth month of life, are organized around dreams - the baby eats when going to bed and some babies suck during awakening.
At six months, the feeding regimen changes. The most active sucking shifts to the last 2-3 hours before waking up from a night's sleep. The period of daytime wakefulness can be divided into two periods: in the morning, when the baby sucked during the night is rarely applied to the breast, and in the evening, when attachments become very frequent. In total, there can be 7-10 day applications and 3-4 night applications. At this age, the baby begins a period of acquaintance with new food - pedagogical complementary foods. Sometimes there are attachments associated with the introduction of complementary foods, the baby “washes down” samples of new food with mother's milk. But many children do not want to drink complementary foods. When complementary foods are introduced to an on-demand baby, it is never meant to replace feedings with complementary foods. This is practically impossible, because the main feedings of the baby are associated with sleep, and mother's breakfasts, lunches and dinners, during which the baby gets acquainted with new food, are located between the baby's dreams, during his wakefulness.
At seven months, the frequency of application is about the same.
At eight months, the feeding regimen changes. Since the baby shows high motor activity and is very busy exploring the surrounding space, in the daytime he forgets to breastfeed. In this regard, the number of daily feedings can be reduced to 6-8 times. The baby compensates for the reduction in daytime feedings by increasing the frequency and duration of nighttime feedings up to 6 times.
In the second half of the year, babies who stopped breastfeeding when waking up after daytime naps recall this habit again. The baby’s daytime sleep in the second half of life, as well as in the region of a year and older, looks something like this: the baby falls asleep sucking, sleeps quietly for a while, for example 1-1.5 hours, then starts tossing and turning, fiddling, worrying, at this moment the mother lies down next to , gives him a breast and the baby can fill up 10-15-30 minutes sucking. Mom may well use this time for her own rest - lie down, read, while the baby sleeps while sucking. I know my mother, a lover of embroidery, who used this time specifically for embroidery ...
Breastfeeding becomes more frequent at nine to ten months. In the daytime, this is 4-6 full feedings and about the same number of attachments for various reasons. The baby has new reasons for attachment. If, during active actions to master the world, the baby fills a bump or gets scared, he calms down with his mother's breast. There may be situations when you can comfort the baby by sitting next to him and hugging him. At night, 4-6 feedings remain, the baby begins to suckle more actively in the morning between 3 and 8 hours.
At eleven months, a baby can already have 2-3 complete complementary foods. Initiation to adult food in the mind of a child is not associated with breastfeeding: attachment to the mother's breast is something other than the desire to get enough of the product they like. As a rule, after the baby has eaten, he feels the need to attach himself to the breast. The number of daily feedings remains the same in the child, but the number of short-term attachments increases. There are active mid-morning feedings between 4 and 8 o'clock in the morning.
At ten or twelve months, the baby, if he is already walking, can sometimes breastfeed every time he comes to his mother, i.e. about every 15-30 minutes. Attachments around dreams and night sucking persist. Therefore, if a mother says that a child suckles once or twice a day, this means that there is no feeding at the request of the child. There are restrictions imposed by the mother, with which the baby has come to terms. He treats breast sucking like food, sucks on a pacifier or a finger to fall asleep or soothe, or falls asleep just like that, without calming down.
At twelve months, the baby is applied in about the same way.
At the age of one and a half years, there may already be one daytime nap, so there are fewer attachments associated with sleep. Preserved for morning sucking. The baby is very free with his mother's breasts. Sometimes it happens that he comes up to suck just for pleasure. For example, like this: he comes up, climbs on his knees, looks into his mother’s face, smiles, starts to swarm in his shirt, gets breasts, smiles at his breasts, sucks for 30 seconds and leaves.

As for the number of feedings per day when feeding a child on demand, their number is almost never less than 12. A newborn has 12 or more attachments, mostly they are all associated with dreams. And a child, say 1.5-2 years old, can also have about 12 attachments, only 3-4 are associated with sleep, and the rest are short-term attachments for various reasons. I suggest to all mothers reading this text - do not count the application, do not notice their duration. Breastfeed your baby as often as he asks, when you feel the need to.

Moms who don't think about breastfeeding without looking at the clock may get the impression that when breastfeeding on demand, the mother can do nothing but feed the baby. This is wrong. After the birth of a baby, a mother begins another life, she is called life with a baby. That's all. The child is with the mother, not the mother with the child! Feel the difference! You need to be able to organize your life in a different way, in the first months, of course, the help of loved ones is very necessary. In the tradition of many peoples, it was customary for the first 40 days after childbirth to remove a woman from any housework and household chores, she was engaged only in a child. In some nations, objects that the mother of a newborn touched were considered “unclean”, therefore, they preferred to protect the mother from the rest of the household, allocating her a separate “corner” of the house, where no one bothered her and she did not interfere with anyone. Among the Slavs, such a restrictive custom was called a six-week. By 1.5-2 months, the rhythm of daytime dreams begins to form, and the baby has a kind of “regime”, the mother becomes more free.

For a mother who can't imagine breastfeeding without looking back at the clock, and who is sure that the “right” baby is the baby lying quietly in her crib all the time, feeding on demand will be a complete hassle. It will be much easier for such a mother if she stops looking at the clock and ties the baby to herself with a large scarf or uses a patchwork holder (sling). It will become easier for her if she stops running between the nursery and the kitchen, but takes the baby with her to the kitchen and carries him around the house with her, doing housework, in a box, a cradle, a special chair, if she tries not to put him off often, and pick up as soon as possible, postponing the baby only in case of emergency and not for long.

Breastfeeding is not the same as house arrest. In the conditions of modern society, it is possible to organize the exit of a nursing mother to work from about 6 months of age of the baby. If necessary, you can start working from the age of 4 months, but, of course, it is better not every day of the week and not full time. It is the responsibility of a breastfeeding consultant to help a mother organize her return to work.

Sometimes, when I advise mothers on breastfeeding, I suggest that they forget for a second that they are already living in the 21st century. I propose to return, for example, to the cave and ask what they will do if the child woke up at night, how to calm him down? If you are walking through the forest and trying not to attract the attention of predators, how to make the baby silent? If the child is thirsty, what will you give him? What is the baby used to, for thousands of years of its existence? To the fact that he sleeps on his mother while she wanders through the forest with a digging stick in search of roots, and wakes up when mother stops. Since mom stopped, then there is time to wake up and suck. Therefore, even now the child sleeps well, tied to the mother with a patchwork holder, wakes up when the mother, having done a few household chores, sits in a chair to take care of the baby.

Some mother, reading about the cave, will be offended, saying that she is a civilized creature. But please think. Man, mother's breast and mother's milk have been created by evolution over millions of years. They are made for each other. Baby food has created progress and more recently. The skills of motherhood and breastfeeding have also been lost by our society quite recently. A person is not physiologically adapted to artificial feeding and a pacifier. The mother's breast will not produce enough milk at 6-7 feedings per day. Nature did not know, when creating man as a mammal, that the time would come when the need for breastfeeding would be satisfied by some kind of pacifiers and nipples.

Changes that occur during the formation of the personality of a child who did not have full contact with the mother during prolonged breastfeeding are noted by modern research by psychologists and sociologists. These are changes with a minus sign. It would be better if they were not, these changes.

Breastfeeding is important not only for the baby, it is also important for the mother. During on-demand feeding, the woman's feelings change, a stronger attachment to the baby is formed, the woman becomes more sensitive to the needs of the baby. Deeper affection and understanding are not only preserved in infancy. They persist for life. For clarity, imagine what happens to a woman’s feelings if she tries to “withstand” a child, endures his crying, anxiety. What happens to a woman if she uses the recommendation from one very popular parenting book: "Go to the child if he cries for more than 15 minutes"? Speaking in abstract terms, humanity is interested in reviving the practice of breastfeeding. The revival of this practice is impossible without mothers realizing the true reasons for the child's need for attachment to the breast.

Lilia Kazakova, pediatrician,
Head of Breastfeeding and Childcare Counselors

Breastfeeding and baby sleep at night

09/26/2014

Every mother has the right to choose how and what to feed her baby. Moreover, for some mothers, unfortunately, there is no choice. Breastfeeding for a mother can also become tender moments alone with the baby and tormenting flour.

Many mothers feel uncomfortable being completely attached to their home and baby; restrictions in the usual way of life and nutrition, and sometimes the inability to exclude medications, can become a serious factor when choosing artificial feeding.

This is a choice every mother is entitled to.

But sometimes a nursing mother whose child does not sleep well hears the opinion of her friends, pediatricians (which is especially sad), grandmothers that this is all because the baby is breastfed. The words that endless nocturnal rises are the essence of motherhood, and since I myself feed - all the more, for a long time kept me in the state of an eternally sleepy and tired heroine. Are really breastfeeding mothers doomed to the feat of endless nightly feedings until the moment of weaning? For me, the end came when one night my son woke up 8 times, after which in the morning I no longer remembered how many more times I got up to “feed” him.

In fact, formula-fed babies often sleep no better or worse than breastfed babies.

The whole point is that not always the amount or type of food is the reason for the nighttime (especially frequent) awakenings of a child older than 3-4 months. Yes, breast milk is absorbed faster by the digestive system; Yes, formula-fed babies may sleep for longer periods due to slower digestion of formula, and therefore a longer satiety period. However, the main cause of sleepless nights is still the lack of infancy (and sometimes early preschool) skills to fall asleep on their own. So the kids are looking for support and help from their mother (who else?) in the form of a call “feed me”, “hold me on the handles”, “shake”, “stay my nipple”, etc. And mom happily goes to the rescue, until one day she stops, realizing with horror that all she thinks about now is an uninterrupted sleep of 2 (put your number) hours.

I never tire of repeating that all children are different, but there are indicative frameworks that will help a mother decide whether her baby's hunger is real or whether he still needs her support.

Newborn babies need to eat every 2-3 hours, whether it's day or night. During this period, frequent attachments are also important for a young mother, because. her lactation is still in its infancy;
Babies aged 3-4 months will need about 2-3 feedings (sometimes 4) per 12 hours of sleep a night. Remember, the structure of infant sleep will only change around 4 months;
Babies 5-7 months need 1-2 feedings per night;
Closer to a year, at the age of 10-12 months, most children, regardless of the type of feeding, sleep through the night. Don't forget that there are adults who can't go 12 hours without going to the kitchen, so be patient if your little one still wakes up to eat once. However, you must be absolutely sure that he knows how to fall asleep on his own, really eats during such awakenings (swallowing should be clearly audible).

At around one year of age, if you are still breastfeeding, you may want to consider weaning from night feeds.

There are other factors that increase the baby's need to attach to the mother's breast, which are important to remember. At the age of 4-5 months, the child already knows a lot: turn his head and follow objects, focus his eyes on objects at different distances, sometimes roll over, distinguish voices and sounds - the world around him becomes more and more interesting for him. This means that he can not miss anything, and sometimes even the time for feeding seems to be wasted.

The baby is distracted by every little thing during the day, the mother can hardly "force" him to eat. As a result, at night, when this amazing world calms down and muffles its colors, the child is forced to compensate for everything that was not eaten during the day. A good solution in this case would be to organize daytime feeding in a quiet environment, a darkened room. Some mothers are helped by slingobuses, which distract the baby, but do not require turning their heads, others hide in the pantry for feeding - all methods are good here.

Teething, colds, colic and other ailments will also increase the number of night feedings. When we do not feel well, we want warmth and care, and a mother’s breast for a child is the embodiment of these concepts. There is nothing left here but to alleviate the suffering of the baby, including through frequent attachments. If you are sure that the cause of colic is unwell, try to feed the baby for as long as possible with one breast - this way he will receive nutritious “hind milk” and will not overeat the “front milk”, which can also provoke bloating. Luckily, these times pass quickly.

Working or studying mothers may not be able to spend enough time with their baby during the day, and he will ask for compensation at night. Therefore, it is very important to give the child maximum warmth and care during those daytime hours when you are around. Carry it in your arms, talk to it, touch it. Skin-to-skin contact will give the baby a sense of security, confidence that mom is there, even if she sometimes goes to work during the day. However, such mothers sometimes find night feedings a wonderful time to be just the two of them, because mothers need this time no less.

Stressful situations will also provoke most babies to look for their mother and demand a breast. The arrival of relatives to visit, quarrels of parents, going to a party with a child, moving to your own bed or even a room, participating in a costume party (have you been looking at the face of a clown or Santa Claus for a long time?) are not such fun events for a fragile psyche, but a mother’s warmth is the best guarantor of safety. Try to avoid such events while the child is very young, and if this is not possible, do not refuse the child additional application. Another way to help him feel secure is to offer a hug toy. Such a toy should be with the baby in the warmest moments of his life (feeding, fun games with parents) at first, then, having it nearby, it will be easier for him to survive short periods of new situations.

How to teach a baby to fall asleep without a breast

If you have eliminated all the above reasons, and your baby still wakes up more often than necessary for adequate nutrition for age - what is the reason? Often in such situations, the formed negative association between breasts and sleep is to blame. In other words, the baby simply does not know any other way to relax and fall asleep, except for the rhythmic sucking on the mother's chest. But, as I often write in my plans, he does not know - does not mean that he cannot learn! Who would have known that falling asleep is a skill that needs to be taught? But, think about it, you taught your baby to properly grasp the chest, roll over, sit, chew, drink from a spoon - why not fall asleep? So, how to put a baby to bed without a breast - a guide to survival:

The first step in dealing with frequent nighttime awakenings for breastfed babies should be to separate feedings and sleep.

In order to show your baby that there are other ways to relax, it is important to let him explore these ways and try to find his own. And for this he must be awake after feeding!

So, if your baby is older than 5 months, feed after sleep, not before it. Move all feedings out of the sleeping area - ideally to another room, and definitely don't feed lying on the bed where you both have a good chance of falling asleep. It is difficult, especially at night, but your perseverance in just a few days will bear fruit.

A sleepy and relaxed baby should be given the opportunity to try his hand at falling asleep - give him the opportunity to roll in the crib, sing songs, even whimper - do not rush to "rescue" him in the first second of anxiety. Understand that any change in routine will be met with protest, but if you have a goal, it's worth pursuing. Your throwing will only further confuse the child. At the same time, feel free to help him in other ways - shake him a little, sing, hiss or pat him. It is important that gradually, over the course of days (and sometimes weeks), you reduce your "help", giving him more and more space to fall asleep on his own. Ideally, your assistance should stop before the child is completely asleep - he should make this wonderful transition from wakefulness to sleep.

Be sure to put your baby to sleep where he wakes up at night. A sudden change of scenery, when he fell asleep on your bed, and woke up on the other side of the room in his crib, can scare and upset the kids, and you don’t need it at all.