Feed baby krissy
I found all those nostalgic online games so you don't have to
One of the best things about the 2000s was the fact that we were all just given unfettered access to the internet. There were no apps to track screen time or child blockers. We were all just allowed to run free, like internet ponies. The cute, small kind. And, yeah it was awesome. But at the same time… who decided it was a good idea to give us THAT MUCH POWER? It's no wonder adolescents are snorting condoms.
Granted, unlike some of my peers who were watching tentacle porn or researching blue waffles, I spent most of my time playing games. I am convinced that the first and true purpose of the internet was the Flash game.
God didn't make those on accident. And he especially didn't just trip and pop out EverythingGirl.com.
YOU REMEMBER THIS WEBSITE
In a bout of nostalgia, I went and found links for every ICONIC internet game from our childhood I could find. I have Barbie games, Kim Possible games, and Lizzie McGuire makeovers all in the same place. And no bitch, of course I didn't forget Sandwich Stacker.
Let's start with some Disney games
The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Tipton Trouble
The game that taught me it's ok — nay, GOOD — to run from authority figures.
London's Suite Styler
Fashion advice from the STYLE ICON herself.
Maddie's Snack Encounter
If you didn't want to be Maddie, you ain't real.
Pizza Party Pickup!
Perhaps the hidden origin of the "touch my butt and buy me pizza" era?
Kim Possible: Shopping Avenger
Kim Possible: teaching us all you can save the world with only a PASSION for FASHION.
Kim Possible: A Sitch in Time
From the HISTORIC Kim Possible movie about time travel, something that still interests me to this day thanks to the Disney Channel.
Which definitely predicted the rise of Chipotle.
Dress Up Lizzie
We REALLY accepted those pixels as Hilary Duff's face? Smdh.
Lizzie McGuire Turbo Racer
I was an eight-year-old racing LEGEND, don't @ me.
Cory's Money Maze
If only Kyle Massey had HALF of this money now. That poor, poor failed child star.
Lilo and Stitch's Sandwich Stacker
WE STILL TALK ABOUT THIS ON THE REGULAR. THINK ABOUT THAT. EXPERIMENT 625's MIND.
Hannah Montana: Malibu Manicure
I loved painting online nails because my mom wouldn't let Baby Me use real nail polish. Adorable, I know.
Hannah Montana: Rock Star Fashion Challenge
Honestly, they should've let me dress the real Hannah Montana. Her outfits probably would've turned out better.
Now let's get into BARBIE
Barbie's Zoom and Groom
This game is solely responsible for me considering a horse a viable pet option.
Barbie's Let's Babysit Baby Krissy
You were basically Kylie Jenner with Stormi but 10 years ago. Way ahead of the trend.
Barbie Superstar Makeover
Honestly, it's no wonder so many girls from your High School work at the MAC counter at Macy's after this game.
MyScene Room Makeover
MyScene Shopping Spree
Pretending to be a Kardashian before I even knew what a Kardashian was.
MyScene Dazzling Nails
I just LOVED doing some bitches UP.
MyScene Beauty Studio
I know, I know… they redid the faces. ?
Polly's Hair Stylin' Salon
Polly's Wacky Wardrobe
Peep Polly's small glasses — a TREND-SETTER.
Polly's Beautiful Bedroom
POLLY WAS SO FUTURISTIC. Did Elon Musk design her furniture?!
Polly's Drive N' Style
Where I pretended I could drive… or had the money for clothes at a humble 8 years old.
Polly's Rockstar Makeover
Because Polly was not only a fashion icon, but a rock star. We love a multi-dimensional woman.
And for the real internet OGs… Diva Starz (a doll you probably forgot existed)
Diva Starz Fashion Emergency!
Where you dressed up these bitches unconventionally large feet.
Diva Starz Dress 'Em and Do The Walk!
These jumpsuits omgggg
Diva Starz Rock The House
Where they were ROCK STARS. Do you see a trend?
Here’s what your favorite doll growing up says about you
If you did ANY of these things as a kid, you’re depressed now
What happens when an AMBER Alert is received?
o AMBER Alert broadcasts have a unique audible signal and vibration. It is intended to indicate the urgency of the message and make the alert accessible to people with hearing or vision-related disabilities. The message will contain a limited number of characters and provide basic information.
o In the case of an AMBER Alert, the message would indicate that an AMBER Alert has been issued for your area and, relevant information about the missing child, and if possible, the abductor and/or vehicle used in the abduction.
How do AMBER Alerts work?
o Once law enforcement has been notified about an abducted child, they will decide whether or not to issue an AMBER Alert based on their AMBER Alert program's criteria. They will provide the geographic area where the alert should be issued as well as any available information about the child, abductor, or suspected vehicle used in the abduction.
o Once issued, the alerts are distributed by broadcasters and transportation agencies. They are also sent to NCMEC which redistribute the alerts to a network of secondary distributors that includes internet service providers, digital billboards, truckers, and others.
How are AMBER Alerts distributed to cell phones?
o AMBER Alerts are distributed to cell phones as part of the AMBER Alert program's secondary distribution through the Wireless Emergency Alert program (WEA).
What is the Wireless Emergency Alert program?
o The Wireless Emergency Alert program is operated by the Federal Emergency Management Agency. It distributes notifications from authorized federal, state, local, and tribal government agencies that alert customers with capable devices of imminent threats to safety or an emergency situation. The messages are intended as a supplement to the existing Emergency Alert System, which broadcasts alerts over radio and television.
o In addition to AMBER Alerts, the program includes National Weather Service, Presidential, and imminent threat alerts. If you own a capable mobile device, you will automatically receive these alerts when you are in the geographic area where an alert has been issued.
o Because the alerts are sent on a special wireless carrier channel called Cell Broadcast they are not affected by congestion on the voice or SMS text channels. The alerts are transmitted simultaneously to all mobile devices within range of the cellular carrier towers in the affected area. The system does not need to know your mobile number and it does not track your whereabouts; it simply broadcasts the alert, and any mobile devices that can "hear" the alert will display it to the user.
Will wireless customers be charged for Wireless Emergency Alert messages?
o No. Wireless customers will not be charged for the receipt of these messages.
How do I know if my device is Wireless Emergency Alert capable?
o To determine if your mobile device is capable of receiving the alerts, visit www.ctia.org/wea and look for a link for your wireless service provider where you will find a list of mobile devices that will receive the alerts on their network. Also, be sure to ask for a capable device the next time you acquire a new mobile device.
o Look for this symbol on the box
Is it possible to adjust the volume of the Wireless Emergency Alert audible signal?
o If a wireless device is set to vibrate only, users will not hear the audible signal from a Wireless Emergency Alert message. For additional information about adjusting the volume of a specific device or opting out of receiving the alerts, wireless customers should contact their individual wireless service providers.
Where can I go to receive more information if I receive an AMBER Alert on my cell phone?
o If you are notified through a Wireless Emergency Alert message that there is an AMBER Alert in your area, you can consult local media or visit www.missingkids.org/AMBER or www.amberalert.gov for more detail about the AMBER Alert.
When Life Gives You Lemons - Fiona Gibson from Tim about how Chrissy still won't let him out of the hospital, so he'll stay with her one more night and sit on the chair by her bed, and let Ludo sleep over with us.
Absolutely no problem, I assure him when he drops by home to see his son and show him pictures of the baby (I'm babbling loudly over blurry pictures to compensate for Ludo's lack of interest). There are really no problems. After all, Ludo's grandparents are returning from vacation tomorrow night, and Tim should be home by then.
We have spaghetti for dinner, one of the few things that Ludo favors. While I'm cooking, he climbs onto the kitchen table, tucks his legs under him and scratches his head, looking at Izzy and me like a little emperor.
“Take off your shoes, please,” I say.
— Why? Ludo frowns.
Because this is my house and my rules.
— You walk on the ground with your shoes, and we eat on the table — I smile sweetly. A reasonable request, isn't it?
He stares at me intently, defiant in every way. Maybe at home they let him sit in his shoes on the table. And if he wants to defecate on the table, will that be allowed too?
“Take off your shoes,” Izzy says in the tone of a strict teacher. I try to act as if nothing had happened and stir the tomato sauce as he slowly pulls off one shoe - in the meantime I have probably added a few wrinkles to my forehead. My shoe slams to the floor, and I burn myself as I dump the spaghetti into a colander.
— Mommy, are you okay? Izzy asks anxiously.
“Yes, honey,” I say through clenched teeth, holding my wrist under cold water, and then the second boot slams to the floor.
It's only a day before Tim's parents arrive, I remind myself a little later when I turn off the lights in the children's bedroom.
Wednesday, August 21
Third day with Ludo. At work, I close my eyes from time to time, wishing Chrissie was well and that she and the baby could go home, or at least let Tim go to pick up his firstborn and put him back in the stall. Colleagues ask several times if everything is all right with me, because I look a little tortured. And Belinda even brought a gift: a portable desk fan.
At home, Tim shows up again fleetingly, and I terribly want to collect Ludo's things, leave them in a backpack and put both of them out the door. But alas, he still has to be in the hospital, and, spouting apologies, Tim disappears again.
But are his parents coming back tonight? So tomorrow they can take custody of their grandson.
Meanwhile, Izzy is seriously interested in Ludo's toothpaste. Apparently, Tim and Chrissie "do not believe in fluoride", as if it is God or Santa Claus, and not a substance that strengthens tooth enamel recommended by the National Health Service. Therefore, Ludo, who cracks sugar on both cheeks, does not drink tap water (in case "they", whoever "they" may be, added fluoride to it), and brushes his teeth with creepy-looking rubbish with wormwood extract .
No wonder the child refuses to brush his teeth. What's wrong, pray tell, with a refreshing mint flavored pasta? Now the wormwood stinks on the entire second floor.
Thursday, August 22
Fourth day with Ludo. Tim's parents returned from vacation last night. It was planned that, as usual, I would pick up Izzy and Ludo after the extension and bring them home, and then my saviors would appear and take their grandson to them. However, Grandpa is unwell due to either food poisoning or dysentery, so for now they are "not able" to look after Ludo.
Me too. On the way home from school, he demands that we stock up on sweets, and is noisily indignant that in our favorite store - not where they usually go - there are no bottles and eggs dear to his heart, and I stop to drop a letter in the mailbox, and accidentally drop the keys there.
“Call the postman,” Ludo commands, “and let him open it.
- He won't, Ludo. I'm afraid that's not how it works.
— Why is that? His dark eyes glow with indignation.
“Because he's coming at a certain time,” I mutter, feeling panic building up inside me. Ludo glances at the sign on the box, which reads: "Next collection of letters at 10:00."
— Shall we wait here? he suggests.
- No, it won't work.
“It won’t be long,” he frowns. “It says here that the postman will come at ten.
“Yes, but we are talking about ten o'clock in the morning,” I explain, trying to pretend that everything is under control and we are not in a complete ass.
- We can't wait here all night! Izzy exclaims, looking at me worriedly.
— Why is that? Ludo asks.
Of course, we could run home, take three sleeping bags, go back and lie down side by side on the pavement, as was done in the subway during air raids, with the only difference that we are not in the subway and live in peacetime.
“Because,” I say firmly, grabbing their hands and, ignoring his chatter, resolutely go ahead and stop only to google the coordinates of the nearest locksmith. At home, we wait gloomily for him to come and let us inside. If it was just me and Izzy, I would call Penny or Jules and ask for shelter from one of them, but somehow I’m not ready to doom my friends to our guest.
An hour and a half later, as we tumble into the house, Ludo crosses the kitchen and, standing at the recycling bin, announces:
- Horror how much wine you drink!
Friday, August 23
Ninety-seventh day with Ludo. Feels like it, at least. I'm starting to think maybe Chrissy, Tim, and the baby aren't in the hospital at all, but have gone to a resort somewhere, leaving Ludo so they don't ruin the party. And who will judge them? Maybe they don't intend to come back at all? In their place, that's exactly what I would have done. I don’t think Ludo will be happy when Chrissy starts breastfeeding the baby (although, as far as I know, he himself demanded a tit for up to four years and lagged behind only after Chrissy firmly said that “there is no more milk”, that it is “tu- chu". Although she is an opponent of prohibitions, but when she stops, she can lie and not choke).
And grandfather's illness also looks suspicious. Is it really possible to catch dysentery on the Costa del Sol? My strength is running low and Ludo is again probing the waters for pancakes. I decide to take him on a different perspective, get everything in the fridge and have a picnic for the kids. During these days they somehow got used to each other, play on a laptop without sound, watch cartoons together and sleep in the same room without incident. Several times Izzy started to grumble about his presence, but I explained that Ludo was having a hard time because his parents were not around and his life was about to change a lot.
Read "Late Love" - Christina Rolofson - Page 29
- I'll try. I love you.
"Yeah," Ty whispered. Abby appeared in the kitchen with the baby in her arms. Come quickly.
- Mandatory. Bye.
Ty hung up, praying that he would be lucky today. He wondered if Abby and Jed would act like married people. Or they will pretend that there is nothing between them. Perhaps, for older people, sex is not as important as it is for younger people.
"Good morning," his uncle said. And Abby answered him the same way she always did.
"Good morning everyone," she said. - I see someone has already brewed coffee.
"Yeah," Jed said. - It's still quite fresh.
Suddenly Ty didn't want to be in the same room with this couple. Before his mind's eye appeared colorful pictures of last night. He closed his eyes and opened his eyes only when he heard his name.
- Thai? Are you all right? Jed sat down at the table. - Sit down and we'll discuss our plans.
Ty turned to him but didn't move.
- I thought we were going to treat the calves.
"Yeah," Jed said. - But it will be better if you do it together with the Bull. And I have a lot of work to do here.
- I can stay and clean out the stalls if you like.
- No. He pointed to a chair opposite. - Pour yourself some coffee and sit down.
- Will you have breakfast, Ty? Abby asked as she placed Chrissie in the highchair.
- No, ma'am. I have already eaten.
- I didn't hear the alarm again. Chrissie didn't sleep well at night and didn't let me sleep.
Abby started making porridge for the baby. Ty, meanwhile, kept Chrissy from putting her fingers in her mouth, and Jed stared at his coffee cup with a geyser, bought six years ago in Yellowstone Park.
Tai decided to defuse the situation before these old people had enough kondrashka.
- Has her tooth erupted yet?
- Erupted. This morning I saw that the tooth showed a little bit, so she should feel better. And sleep will be better.
Chrissie reached out to Ty, and the young man bent over so that she could tug on his sleeve.
- Hey Chris. How's it going?
Jed sipped his coffee.
- She is happier today than at night.
- Yes. The eggs will be ready in a minute.
- Today is your day off, Abby.
She was visibly surprised, but she did not stop stirring the porridge.
- I forgot. Either way, you both need something to eat.
Jed got up and went to the kitchen table.
- Go get some more sleep. Ty and I will feed Chris, and then I'll take her upstairs.
- Of course.
If Ty had any doubts about last night, they are now completely dispelled. Since Jed himself offered to babysit the child, it means that he is really in seventh heaven with happiness.
"Then I'll probably go," Abby said. - Her porridge should cook for another minute, and then add milk and cool.
- No problem. - Jed put a hand on her shoulder and turned her towards the door. - Go have a rest.
Ty knew it wasn't polite to stare at them like that, but he couldn't help it. He watched as Jed squeezed Abby's shoulder for a moment, as if asserting his power over her. He had no idea Uncle Jed was capable of such a thing.
"Don't worry, Abby," Ty said, clearing his throat. - Trisha will come soon, and we will take a walk with the children.
Maybe this will give Jed and Abby some more alone time. But by the evening, Jed will be in such a wonderful mood that he will agree to anything, even a wedding.
She's not really going to marry this man. A few hours of great sex does not entail any obligations. "Moreover, - thought Abby, taking off her sandals and laying down on the bed, should I not know that no obligations can be trusted. " Now she relies only on herself ... and her own bitter experience taught her this.
But another thing that Abby learned was that if there is an opportunity to take a break, you should take it. Even if the bed is already made, you can carefully lie down directly on the bedspread, close your eyes, start counting backwards from fifty, and immediately fall asleep before even reaching twenty-five.
And if you've been making love to a handsome cowboy half the night, you won't even count to forty-five.
"Maybe we can finally talk about my future," Ty suggested, pouring himself another cup of coffee.
- Ba, ba, ba! yelled the little girl, spreading the porridge on the tray, and smiled at Jed. - Ba, ba?
- Hell no. You are already up to your ears in porridge, - he answered and turned to Ty. - What should I do with her now?
- Wash her.
- So give me something to wash her with. - Jed looked at the little girl smeared with porridge. He miraculously managed to feed her, but it looks like most of her breakfast was left on her plump palms. Ty handed him a damp dishcloth, and Jed began to dry the struggling baby. She squealed as he cleaned her nose and mouth, but other than that she was pretty tolerable. Jed had to soak the towel three times to wipe the last of the porridge off her hands and face.
Ty put some plastic toys on the tray.
- We were going to talk about my future.
- Yeah. I'm cleaning up the manager's house, and...
- Don't, Jed said. Now he no longer wanted Abby to move. This hut is too far away and, besides, it is in a terrible state. Even if Ty got rid of the rats and fixed the faucets.
"Don't waste your time on this," Jed ordered. - Sheepskin is not worth the candle.
- Jed, I don't...
- Forget it, Ty. Abby will stay here in the big house. I don't want her or her children to get hurt. And here she is, uh... closer to the kitchen.