How to get rid of food baby

Health

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Eating disorders in the era of food abundance has become a real epidemic. Children eat either too little or too much, they eat the wrong way. Elena Fisun, a family psychotherapist and clinical psychologist, told Doctor Peter how to help a child and his parents, for whom every meal turns into a real battle for a meatball.

systemic family psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, lecturer at the Institute of Practical Psychology, National Research University Higher School of Economics, medical psychologist at the Center for Pediatric Hematology, Oncology and Immunology. Dmitry Rogacheva

When dinner turns into stress

- How can you tell if a child has serious eating problems?

- The child eats too much or too little, and this continues for quite a long time, at least a month. Even infant anorexia is distinguished when a child refuses a nipple or breast, but this is a separate issue.

- How do you know if a child is really not eating enough? Many parents of even well-fed children feel that they are not eating enough anyway.

- If we see a weight loss in a child, he is somehow lethargic, a blood test shows a lack of vitamins and microelements, and this coincides with our suspicions that the child does not eat well enough or is rather monotonous, this is already a serious sign that that there are problems. Another criterion is the behavior of the child during meals. He didn't just eat some food and say there won't be any more. He is either selective in food - he eats something specific, rejects the rest, or he indulges in food a lot, or he runs away, scatters food, some food is completely disgusting, up to vomiting. An important indicator when a parent understands that feeding a child is stressful every time.

- It seems that now every second child is "selective in food". I used to think that kids eating nothing but pasta was a myth until I came across it firsthand. The main diet of my 6-year-old daughter is pasta. How to change her eating habits, is it worth it at all or wait until she ripens herself?

- Children should understand that food is not to be played with, fun fights with meatballs are not needed here. You also need to exclude all gadgets, TVs and watching cartoons while eating. Food in this case ceases to be food as such. It becomes not a means of satiety and pleasure, but an element of blackmail, or part of some other ritual, something like a cheerful accompaniment.

Not a victim of porridge, but its judge

Very many children start eating what they have prepared themselves. Some dishes can frighten a child - smell, texture. And when he cooks himself, he has confidence in specific products.

- I often offer my child to play restaurant critic, - says Elena Fisun. - Each dish that is given to him, he puts a rating. The child no longer feels like a victim of porridge, but a judge, an appraiser.

For children who are afraid of a new taste, the psychologist advises the game "Guess the Taste". Blindfolded, the child tries to guess what kind of vegetable or fruit it is. Gradually, during the game, you can add other products unfamiliar to the child. Important - it is useful to play this game not in the main meals, but separately. And during the main meal, remind the child how he deftly guessed the tastes.

- Children are basically retrogrades, and thanks to such a game they are no longer afraid of new sensations, - the expert explains. - When you tell them “guess, cook, evaluate”, they seem to switch their focus of attention a little to something else, but at the same time they remain with food.

The Snacking War

- Is eating disorders a problem for today's children, or has it always been, just not given so much attention?

- If we recall Dragunsky's story "The secret becomes clear" or the fairy tale "Geese-swans", it is clear that the problem of children not eating well is not new at all. If there is enough food, then children are always naughty because of it. But in hungry countries, where there is a shortage of food, the problem of eating behavior is basically absent.

In general, if there is no physiological reason, it is a psychological problem. Food is presented as something urgently needed by parents, but children do not share their enthusiasm for this.

What mistakes do parents make?

• They arrange snacks, there are always free products in the house that you can snack on - as a rule, this is something high-calorie. As a result, the child is full, appetite disappears.

• Excessively worried about the child being fed. This anxiety is transmitted to children, who begin to think that eating is something that causes anxiety.

• They obey the will of the child (as a rule, this is the only child in the family), the family hierarchy is broken, the child begins to command and impose his will - including through food.

- Some parents believe that with age the child will "outgrow" the problem and will eat like "all normal people." Can the problem really resolve itself? Or do you need to do something?

- If there is an opportunity to get rid of some unnecessary hassle, then why not do it. Moreover, if the parents are resolute, then the children quickly accept the new rules of the game.

- Decisively taking pasta away from a child?

- No, gradually reduce the portion of pasta, offering something else instead. But then it should be in everyone's plate. You can give this as a bonus. It is still good for children to explain why certain products are needed. In principle, they know that food is needed in order to grow, but in reality they do not see this effect, therefore they treat these words as a saying.

- What does the situation say when a child, on the contrary, eats everything, chews something all the time and says that he is hungry?

- He is certainly not hungry. A child thus can seize boredom, for example. Food for him is an opportunity to get quick and vivid impressions. If a child who eats little does not feel the taste of food, and is rather hostile to it, then a child who eats a lot is used to getting quick impressions precisely from tastes. He needs something to chew to calm down, to have fun. If the child is small, his eating habits are directly related to whether there is a tradition in the family to praise the child with treats, whether the diet is broken, and whether there is access to snacks.

Hiding candy? Give him a mountain of candy!

The child buys forbidden foods for himself and secretly eats them. Parents' attempts to catch and forbid, as a rule, lead to even greater resourcefulness of the child. In this case, it is best to put a vase of sweets (or any other treat that the child aspires to) on the table - and say: everything is yours, eat as much as you want!

- Such a paradoxical solution can give a result, - Elena Fisun believes. - After all, in this case, the child loses the game - to find, hide, steal food. The taste itself is already lost, as if forced to eat it.

- Children's overeating is corrected by the diet, the rejection of the "prohibition" (which is usually eaten by the whole family), young children do not have the willpower to voluntarily and consciously refuse junk food. A separate question is how the child copes with strong feelings, where and how he receives impressions that are as strong as when eating food. Parents should show him that food is not the only joy in life.

- And what about those parents for whom food is the only joy? Even in Soviet times, when buckwheat and squash caviar were in short supply, in many families there was a real cult of food - they got it out of court, tablecloths were covered for guests, all the shelves were filled in the refrigerator.

- It's in our blood that we need to create a reserve. Hence - “you won’t leave the table until you finish your meal”, “you can’t leave a piece of bread on the table” and “want some more?” Therefore, before adjusting children's eating behavior, you should ask yourself a question - for me there is food, what feelings does it cause me. As a mother once told me, “It’s dinnertime and I get scared. It is extremely important for me to feed my daughter, but I know that she will not eat. This is a real fear that if she does not feed the child, then he may die of starvation in 15 minutes after dinner. It turns out that the woman had dramatic stories in the family, when people literally died of hunger. And this fear sits in all generations of this family.

Vomiting as an end in itself

- Anorexia. How relevant is this topic now?

- This disease has become much younger. If earlier they were girls of 13-14 years old, now there are a lot of 11-year-old patients. Among them there are many who are engaged in dancing, rhythmic and artistic gymnastics. It seems that not all coaches are aware of such risks, and insist on losing weight, threatening expulsion. Girls get scared and start to lose weight. And this is all addictive to such an extent that later, even after reaching the desired number on the scales, it is impossible to stop.

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- It is believed that one of the clear, visible, signs that a child has anorexia is frequent vomiting. Indeed, girls often cause artificial vomiting in themselves?

- For them, this is an effective way not to gain weight, while not restricting themselves in food. You can eat as much as you like, not control yourself, enjoy the taste of food, but all this will not lead to weight gain, because you can artificially get rid of food. It is addictive, causing a lot of health problems. On the other hand, some people develop another eating disorder, when the resulting vomiting paradoxically becomes pleasurable. Over time, artificial vomiting ceases to be a way to get rid of food, but becomes an end in itself. The child begins to eat in order to experience this vomiting process.

- Is it difficult to treat?

- Yes, vomiting as a separate disorder is difficult to treat. Precisely because the child does not see this as a big problem. For him, this is pleasure, and who willingly wants to get rid of pleasure.

To cope with such a serious problem (disease!) as anorexia, the full participation of parents is very important. I noticed such a thing - teenage girls who had eating disorders, including the anorexic type, according to their parents, were always very independent, you could always rely on them, they were like a little more mature than in fact, perfectionists in everything. And at some point, taking on too many obligations, especially for adolescence, they cannot withstand this burden and seem to “fall” to a lower level - they begin to actively lose weight, refuse to eat. But such children are easily restored if parents begin to treat them with more care - they watch what they eat, how they eat. Children seem to be gaining this parental care, which they had little at an earlier stage.

Children need parents who protect them, who help them survive. There is an opinion that all the problems of children are due to the fact that parents pay little attention to them. Parents blame themselves. Many mothers quit their jobs to look after their children. But it is useful to know that children always get little attention; for a preschooler, this is generally a bottomless barrel that can never be saturated. Therefore, parents should think not about the fact that they are to blame for something, but about what to do to correct the situation. The simplest rule is that the parent must love and protect the child. And always be in charge. You can't let your child lead you. If a child feels in charge, he will not be able to get protection from his parents. The idea is simple - I want the best for my child, so I decide how to organize a diet and move there systematically, without succumbing to provocations.

How to help a child?

Moscow

A system of free psychological assistance to the population operates in the capital, and there are centers for helping families in every district. Reference phone — +7 (499) 173-09-09.

Saint-Petersburg

Eating Disorders Correction Center (City Center "Yuventa"), reception phone number - 8 (812) 644-57-57.

The project was implemented with a grant from St. Petersburg.

Irina Figurina

Tags

• Gastroenterology
• Pediatrics

If the child is not eating enough, you can’t force him to finish eating: advice from nutritionists themselves in safety and teach them to love themselves. Their book, Don't Make Meals to Eat, will help teach your child a mindful relationship with food.

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Legion media

Here are some tips to help you understand why your child is so picky about food.

Contents of the article

Why doesn't he eat anything?

Remember: Don't call your child a "naughty", "picky", "bad" or "good" eater and talk about how difficult it is to feed him. Do not say such words when children are around, even if they, as you think, cannot hear you. Perhaps the child's food choices are limited or have strange tastes, but if the label sticks, it will be difficult to get rid of. Instead of saying, “Thomas is such a picky eater,” say, “Maybe he will eat it, maybe he won’t. But if he wants to, he'll eat it."

We want you to understand that picky eating is not deviant behavior, as is often assumed. We know what's up. This fact is hard to accept and sometimes drives adults crazy, but changing food habits is a natural developmental stage and doesn't have to be difficult.

It is related to the changes that occur in the body when, after the first two years of life, growth slows down. Some evidence suggests that "finicky" should not be blamed solely on children. Attitudes towards the nutrition of the child and parents are interconnected and influence each other.

The pressure resulting from anxiety can lead to more aversion to food and as a result increase parental anxiety and make them even more assertive.

Why Your Reaction Matters to the Picky Eater

We have ample evidence that attitudes toward food cause a response. Parents who are worried about their child's nutrition may resort to unproductive measures and, as a result, become even more worried and pressured even more. We often see this in overweight children.

Parents of overweight juvenile feeders often follow social standards and seek to control the nutrition and body weight of their offspring. As a result, the child eats even more.

Often, a baby who is forced to lose weight and eat less only gains weight over time due to compulsive or emotional overeating in the absence of hunger. As a result, parents will begin to judge and limit the child even more, and the circle will close.

Anxiety cycle

The term "anxiety cycle" was coined by Dr. Katya Rowell. It is this phenomenon that prevents us from remaining calm and enjoying meals. If parents, faced with disturbing eating behaviors, remember that pressure and control won't help their children stay calm, comfortable, and trust themselves, they will be able to seek support and use the three keys.

If you are told that “picky eating is normal”, what does it really mean? How normal is this? How to understand: is this the standard selectivity in nutrition that occurs in preschool children, or serious problems and an inadequate attitude to food or fear of it?

We understand why parents are worried, they have a reason: after all, they try so hard to make sure their children get good nutrition. We do not believe that adults tend to overreact to selective eating, especially when they see a child reject both new and familiar foods.

Many children, especially between the ages of 2.5 and 5-6 years, have different food preferences. And often they lose interest or refuse altogether the food they devoured when they were 18 months old. And we understand why picky drives parents crazy. If a child refuses to eat what you offer him, this is not easy - both emotionally and from the point of view of nutrition.

According to a 2020 review of 10 studies, picky eating is associated:

• with conflicts between family members during meals and increased levels of stress;
• with a high degree of concern and irritation of parents;
• with anxiety in children, disgust;
• with low health risks;
• with reduced intake of certain vitamins and nutrients, including vitamins E, C, folic acid and dietary fiber.

However, there is good news for parents who want to raise their children to be intuitive eaters. A 2008 study found that a flexible feeding system was associated with lower levels of picky eating compared to a rigid, control-based approach that included pressure, rewards, or punishments.

This does not mean that if you manage to raise a child to be an intuitive eater, then he will not become a fussy eater. But it does show that if your child has become very selective about food, a flexible approach will help you not aggravate this situation.

What happens when an inquisitive kid who ate everything suddenly turns into a picky kid?

The results of the study indicate that a significant number of families experience this problem when the child is 2-3 years old.

Pickiness can be expressed as follows: your child does not want to try new dishes, requires certain serving (for example, that food is put on different plates), eats less than usual, loses interest in a certain food group, often changes his preferences, demanding, to have food cooked or served in a certain way. Depending on who they eat with (with grandparents, with a teacher, with other children, with parents), they can eat differently.

To prevent a number of problems associated with selective eating, we recommend that you form a flexible food system.

Having a regular schedule during the day will help you to pause between meals and allow your child to feel comfortably hungry before the next meal. As a result, your baby will eat because he is hungry, and not because you "need to feed him."

Remember to include at least 1-2 foods in the diet that the child likes, and don't expect him to eat what he is disgusted with - this is a negative relationship experience with food.

Table rows, total refusal to eat, the need to cook for each child separately, and the constant transfer of prepared meals to the trash place adults under great stress and can undermine your relationship with your child. Remember: the problem is not solved quickly, but you can handle it.

You cannot change your child.

When you implement the Add Don't Push approach, the most important thing to realize is that you can't change your child, but you can control how you react to their behavior. . This is the essence of feeding on demand. We are sure that the food structure introduced by parents, although unintentionally, affects the fastidious eater, and also affects the emotional atmosphere at the table.

Any form of parental control backfires. To support a child's natural desire to eat and try new foods, the emotional bond between parent and child is important.

If your child is selective in food for any reason (because of a genetic predisposition, aversion to the texture of the food, problems with the senses, for personal reasons, or due to pressure), you will naturally have an emotional reaction and desire control his diet, offer rewards or punish the child to solve this problem

Food-related rewards and punishments most often provoke a return of selectivity in eating years after its first manifestation, most often at the age of 2–3 years.

If you react to a child's fastidiousness in eating, then every time he sits down at the table, he will be excited or alert. And the point here is not actually in food, but in the emotional state, the opposite effect of the approach chosen by the parents and its effect on selectivity.

Your relationship is interdependent, and until one of you changes your approach (and it is unlikely to be a child), you will not be able to get out of this cycle when the desire of the young eater to assert his autonomy and feed his body in the way he thinks it's safe will spur you on to get him to eat.

Try to curb this desire and realize that without pressure, coercion, punishment, reward or excessive anxiety, your child will be able to relax, eat well, and over time, his circle of preferences will gradually expand.

When to ask for help

Minor aversions to food texture are normal. But if you observe all or several symptoms at once, do not hesitate to seek help from a doctor:

• Child chokes at every meal or vomits after meals (this refers to food of a certain texture).
• The child does not eat enough for healthy emotional, physical and social development.
• A child's eating behavior at home is significantly different from eating behavior at school.
• The child does not chew food well, spits it out after chewing, or cannot keep it in the mouth.
• Child swallows food whole.

How can you tell if your baby is not chewing food?

• the child is less than 3 years old, but he "chews" with his mouth closed;
• child chokes and chokes while eating;
• child winces when swallowing food;
• you find whole pieces of food in the diaper or in the vomit;
• the child has constipation;
• the child eats enough food for his age, but does not gain weight;
• the child fills his mouth full, and you often have to remind him not to rush and put small pieces in his mouth.

General feeding tips for toddlers

• Try to stay calm. The more emotionally you react, the more likely it is that the situation will worsen. If the baby says: “I don’t want to” or “I won’t”, answer: “Good. If you change your mind, food is on the table." - Think to yourself: "I want the child to decide what to eat, trusting his appetite, and not being guided by my thoughts or feelings."
• If the child is not too hungry (this is manifested in selectivity in food), he may have a reduced appetite. Analyze, probably, he is used to snacking or drinking something (other than water) shortly before dinner, and make changes to the meal schedule.
• Enter the rule of what to eat while sitting at the table as early as possible. Playing or moving around the room not only increases the risk of choking, but also blurs the boundaries between the start and end of a meal.
• Try to have a pleasant atmosphere during meals. Emotions are an important part of helping children feel confident. This is especially true for sensitive children.
• Don't use food as a reward (to pressure and motivate your child to eat): "You can only get cookies if you eat a few pieces of chicken."
• Remember that nutritional deficiencies do not happen overnight. Try to relax. If this happens, it can be corrected. If you are worried, consult your doctor.
• Your value as a parent does not depend on how your child eats.

How to offer food without pressure and guided by the inner voice of the intuitive eater?

• "You can take whatever is on the table."
• “I cooked . Eat if you want!"
• "If you don't want to, you don't have to eat."
• You can say nothing and just serve food in a child's way.
• Put a small amount of food on the child's plate and don't say anything.

Involving the child in food decisions

You analyze what foods are in the house and offer the child 2-3 lunch or snack options.

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