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How old should a baby be to feed themselves


When to Introduce a Spoon to Baby

Learning how to self-feed is an important milestone in your baby’s development. The messy, but fun, process of teaching your baby how to use a spoon will be the next step in your baby’s journey to self-feeding.

Teaching your baby how to self-feed is going to be a messy process, but will be worth it in the long run. Your baby's motor skills and development will benefit from learning how to self-feed so it is important to encourage this process to your baby. As you begin to approach the age where your baby is ready to start learning how to self-feed, here is everything you should consider.

Where To Start 

Finger Feeding

Before you start to think about introducing a spoon to your baby, you first will want to make sure your baby has been introduced to finger foods. This first step will help your baby begin to develop their motor skills which are necessary to have before figuring out how to use a spoon.

Beginning with finger foods, start with soft foods that you can easily smash with your fingers. This will be the safest and easiest place to start for your baby. Foods such as soft cooked noodles, cut bananas, or steamed veggies are all a good place to begin. Choosing foods that can be cut up into bigger chunks will also make it easier for your baby to be able to pick up.

If you have only been feeding your baby soft foods and purees on your own, you should wait to introduce a spoon until after you have introduced finger foods. At around 12 months, most babies should be feeding themselves finger foods. It is around this stage that you can start to introduce a spoon.

Next Step: Introducing the Spoon 

Now that your baby has gotten comfortable with finger feeding, you can take the next step on the self-feeding journey by introducing their first utensil, a spoon. The CDC recommends waiting to introduce a spoon to your baby until they are around 10-12 months old. However, there is no specific age or time that your baby should developmentally be using a spoon. There are many factors that can have an influence on the timing of your baby learning to use a spoon.

  • Fine motor skill development
  • Interest in eating independently
  • Time they have been eating solid foods
  • First introduced to finger foods

These are all factors that can influence when your baby starts to use a spoon to self-feed. Every child is unique so do not worry about whether or not your baby is successfully learning to use a spoon. They will get there eventually!

Signs They Might Be Ready

It can be tricky to know whether or not your baby is ready to take the next step in their development. One sign that your baby is likely ready to start using a spoon on their own is with their body language. Infants typically will turn their heads and clamp their mouth to signal they are full, after the meal. The opposite holds true as they get older. Toddlers will often start to get fussy or throw a tantrum before a meal. If you are noticing that they are appearing disinterested in the spoon you are trying to feed them, let themselves give it a try. This might be their way of telling you they are ready to be more independent. 

Learn more from Pediatrician Dr. David Hill from the American Academy of Pediatrics about when your baby is ready for solids: 


Expected Timeline

Depending on your baby, these milestones will be reached at different times than the families around you. However, here is a general guide to understanding when you should plan on your baby reaching these steps to independently self-feeding. 


  • 6 months: You can begin to start introducing finger foods to build your baby’s fine motor skills. Remember to choose foods that are soft and easy to squish to avoid any choking hazards. 
  • 12 months: Around their first birthday, your baby will likely begin showing an interest in using a spoon themselves. This is when you can begin letting your child feed themselves thick, soft foods like oatmeal, yogurt, or applesauce. 
  • 15-22 months: Your toddlers should be able to start getting the hang of feeding themselves with a spoon. Around this time, you should also be able to introduce using a fork to feed themselves.

Every baby is different when it comes to reaching these developmental milestones. You should never focus too much on whether or not your baby is “on track.” With both time and practice, your baby will get there.

What are the Benefits of Self-Feeding?

Self-feeding is your baby’s first step to independence. In addition to the new confidence and sense of freedom your baby is experiencing, self-feeding is beneficial to their overall development in the following ways.


  • Learning to grasp and hold things firmly
  • Gaining hand-eye coordination (learning spatial awareness, strengthening their “visual motor skills”)
  • Refining Sensory Process skills (the different textures and sensations of the food they are touching will help to build their sensory processing skills)

Things to Consider

Picking the Right Spoon

In general, any spoon that is not too heavy for your baby to hold is the right spoon. However, it is probably a good idea to purchase a set of spoons that are actually designed to be used for babies. Look for spoons that have a wide, chubby handle that will make it easy for your baby to grab and pick up. A spoon made of rubber or silicone will also be better for your baby because of the soft texture and grippy material. 

 

Foods to Start With

Get ready for a big mess when it comes to your baby learning how to use a spoon. At first, your baby will likely spend more time exploring and playing with their food, rather than actually eating it. Start with thick foods that will easily stay on the spoon as they learn how to balance and bring the spoon to their mouth. Here are some recommended foods to start with.

  • Applesauce
  • Cottage cheese
  • Mashed peas/carrots
  • Mashed potatoes
  • Oatmeal
  • Pasta
  • Pudding
  • Yogurt 

Introducing the Fork 

So, your baby has now mastered the spoon and is ready for their next big step: the fork. It is usually recommended to introduce the spoon before the fork, because a spoon is typically easier for a baby to learn at first. However, some babies do pick up on the fork easier because it requires less balancing and they can stab the food. You will likely want to introduce the fork at around 16-18 months, to give your baby time to first practice and focus on learning how to use a spoon. 

What’s Next?

With so many huge developmental milestones being achieved, your baby is rapidly developing. Once your baby has been introduced to the spoon and fork, you can consider moving them from the high chair to a booster seat at the table. By bringing your baby to the table to eat with you, you can help them develop their motor skills quicker. This gives them the opportunity to observe and mirror your actions.

How Can I Help the Process?

The best way you can help your baby is to simply let them experience and explore this new skill for themselves. At first, you'll probably notice that your baby spends more time playing and waving the spoon around. But eventually, they will start to pick up on how to actually use the tool for their self-feeding benefit. 

This is a messy, but fun, process. Look into some rubber or silicone splat mats to make the clean up aftermath easier for you. Other than letting your baby explore and have fun with the learning process, here are some things you can do to help your baby with practicing their new skill.


  • Demonstrate it for them: Your baby is looking to you for guidance, so show them how it is done! Have them watch you use a spoon to feed yourself the yogurt or oatmeal and then have them try it for themselves. Over time, they will continue to mirror your actions for how to self-feed.
  • Hand-Over-Hand Method: First, let your baby grab for the spoon themselves. Once they are holding the spoon, see if they can dip the spoon and scoop up the food. You can place your hand over their hand and help guide the food into their mouth. Your baby is still learning all the basics like where their mouth even is and how to scoop food using the spoon so you can help show them the ropes for the first few times.  
  • Stick to Thick Foods: To make it easier for your baby to scoop and bring the food into their mouth, stick to thick foods at first. Avoid foods that can easily fly off the spoon (rice, cereal, etc.) until they have gotten used to the process. 

Baby-Led Weaning: What is it? 

Baby-Led Weaning is a popular form of teaching self-feeding. The process skips feeding soft foods and purees and goes straight to finger foods starting at around 6 months. Registered dietician, Clancy Cash Harrison, author of Feeding Baby, says “Baby-led weaning supports the development of hand-eye coordination, chewing skills, dexterity, and healthy eating habits,” she says. “It also offers babies an opportunity to explore the taste, texture, aroma, and color of a variety of foods.”

What makes baby-led weaning successful, is that your baby will recognize that in order to eat, they need to learn how to do it themselves. It gives an extra nudge into independence. However, parents can obviously step in when needed, in order to make sure their baby is getting enough nutrition from food. 

Starting at about 6 months, or whenever your baby is able to sit unassisted in a high chair, you can begin baby-led weaning. Your baby might not have fully developed their chewing skills so breast milk or formula will still need to be their main source of nutrition until at least 10 months old. 

The best foods to begin with are soft, easy to squish foods like bananas, steamed broccoli, or avocado. Try cutting the foods into bigger pieces to make it easier for them to pick up. By starting at 6 months, you will help your baby develop the pincer grasp. When considering foods to start with, texture is key. Since your baby does not have the fully developed chewing skills, you will want to make sure any food you are giving them is very soft to avoid a choking hazard. 

If you are thinking of starting baby-led weaning, consider a mixed approach. The first few months of baby-led weaning might be more exploring, and less eating. Do not feel pressure to fully abandon breast milk, formula, or purees. Not all children will be ready for baby-led weaning and finger feeding at 6 months. Focus on making sure your baby is getting enough food, rather than trying to get them to self-feed. 

The most important thing to take away from both self-feeding and baby-led weaning is to let your baby lead the process. Let them be the one to reach for the spoon, show their curiosity, and explore their growing independence. Your baby will be most successful if you let them guide you in this process.  

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All health-related content on this website is for informational purposes only and does not create a doctor-patient relationship. Always seek the advice of your own pediatrician in connection with any questions regarding your baby’s health.

These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. Products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.   

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4 Mistakes that Slow Baby Self Feeding

Feeding your baby real food is an important step for all parents. But baby self feeding is a goal for all parents, especially during the first year of life.

The stakes are high for developing healthy food preferences and learning to eat, so don’t let these four common mistakes slow your baby down.

Baby feeding and the journey that goes with it is not always smooth-sailing, or easy.

In my many years of working with new mothers as a pediatric nutritionist, I know that the decisions made in this first year are always made with good intentions.

However, some decisions are made out of fear, hype, or lack of knowledge.

As a result, feeding mistakes that slow your baby’s abilities around self feeding can be made.

Don’t let them get in the way of really raising a healthy eater down the road.

Why is Starting Solids a Challenge?

In a nutshell, the quick pace of food transitions your baby will make in the first year is the crux of most baby feeding mistakes.

In a period of 6 months, your baby will move from an all liquid diet to eating your family’s mealtime food.

That means the food transitions are fast.

Once you get used to one thing, it’s time to move on to the next.

For instance, you and your baby master pureed foods.

But, now your baby wants finger foods and seems unsatisfied with baby cereal.

Yes, the pace in the first year of life with food is quick.

Another challenge is the wide range of nutrients babies need in the first year.

Key nutrients for brain development, bone growth, and sufficient calories and protein for weight gain and kid’s growth should be top of mind.

Being mindful of these and fitting them all in can feel overwhelming. 

If that isn’t enough to worry about, the repercussions of moving too slowly with food transitions can have its own set of ramifications.  

For example, your baby may lose interest in infant rice cereal if they see it every day and at most meals.

Or, your baby may tire of exploring solid foods if she isn’t progressively challenged with new textures and flavors.

She may even prefer purees, baby food pouches, or get stuck on a liquid diet (hello, sippy cups of milk), if she isn’t challenged with more food flavors and textures.

If you’re like most parents I know, you want to get the baby food stages right.

From setting a reasonable baby feeding schedule to knowing when to start solids and make important baby food transitions, not only do you need to know what to do, you need to know what not to do, as well.

Signs You’re Hindering Self Feeding

If feeding your baby gives you a nagging feeling that things are getting off track or aren’t going as well as planned, you may be making some feeding mistakes.

Whether you need more information, or got the wrong advice, you may unknowingly be caught up in some very common mistakes.

If your baby isn’t gaining weight as predicted, is struggling with the spoon or baby led weaning, or if transitioning to a balanced meal plan isn’t going as well as you had hoped, you might be hindering your baby from moving forward with eating.

Your feeding style and approach may be counterproductive, especially if you’re using negative feeding practices. 

Unfortunately, these can interfere with your baby’s eating, development, and food learning.

4 Self Feeding Mistakes You’ll Want to Avoid

In my line of work, I see several mistakes parents make when feeding their kids.

It’s not that I look for snafus, it’s just that when parents are really struggling, they show up on my doorstep.

As a way to help you side-step some of these challenges, I’ve outlined the top four feeding mistakes I see parents make with their baby.

Some are related to the process of feeding, while others involve food selection.

Mistake # 1: Trying to Keep Baby Clean while Eating

In the quest to stay clean and tidy (and lessen the laundry load), you may be swiping your baby’s mouth with a washcloth after every bite, staying with spoon feeding (because it’s cleaner), or avoiding messy foods to cut down on the time and effort it takes to clean up after a meal.

Why is this a mistake?

It robs your baby of important learning experiences, such as exposure to different textures, smelling food completely and learning how to manipulate food using his hands and mouth.

Serious investigation happens during meal time, and there’s no better way to learn about food than to get down and dirty with it.

Those pictures you see of babies covered head to toe in yogurt, spaghetti sauce and cake?

Yeah, that’s what I mean.

Case in Point:

Long ago, I taught one of my clients to let her baby self feed with a spoon. I asked her to refrain from using the washcloth until the end of the meal, and charged her with the task of offering her daughter more food variety.

After implementing these interventions, both mom and baby started having a grand time with meals!

How to Keep Baby Clean While Eating

Use the kitchen sink as a back-up bathtub.

Stock it with towels, soap and plastic measuring spoons and cups so your baby can go from high chair to kitchen tub (with supervision, of course) for a quick clean up.

Get the Food & Nutrients for Baby’s Brain!

Mistake #2: Spoon-feeding Your Baby for Too Long

This ties into #1 as a way to keep a cap on the mess.

But also, there may be a misconception that babies need to be spoon-fed for a year.

Not true.

Babies can begin the transition to chopped, table foods around 8 months of age.

And if you’re a follower of baby led weaning, you know that solids can be introduced at 6 months.

By one year, your baby should be eating table food. In other words, the food your family is eating.

You’ll just modify this into age-appropriate textures (shredded, chopped, etc), and encourage baby self feeding (with assistance as necessary).

Your baby should also be using an open-top cup with small amounts of liquid so that spills are minimal.

Of course, follow your baby’s developmental progress and cues for readiness to see when the time is right to transition to more textured finger foods.

If you’re testing solid foods with a baby led weaning approach, be sure to read about iron and baby led weaning in this post or grab my up-to-date, step-by-step book called The Smart Mom’s Guide to Starting Solids. 

It includes advice for spoon-feeding, baby led weaning and guidance for using both to optimize nutrients and self-regulation of eating.

When to Stop Spoon Feeding Baby

Baby Ben was 14 months and still being spoon-fed.

He came to me because he wasn’t gaining weight and his length had fallen behind.

He was simply disinterested in the spoon—he wanted to feed himself, and he didn’t want mush anymore—he wanted the real food his family was eating.

Most babies will want to start self feeding between 6 and 8 months.

This usually coincides with the development of the pincer grasp.

While Ben’s mom was understandably afraid to give up spoon-feeding (because he wasn’t growing well and she wanted to be sure he ate enough), once she introduced table foods, gave him some independence, and let him eat to his own satisfaction, Ben started to thrive again.

Most babies will want to start self feeding between 6 and 8 months. This usually coincides with the development of the pincer grasp. #startingsolids #selffeeding Click To Tweet

Mistake #3: Offering Foods that are Too Healthy

I believe all babies should receive real, natural, unadulterated foods of all flavors, with an emphasis on food introduction and lots of food variety and exposure.

But I see a trend in feeding babies that emphasizes fruits, vegetables and whole grains.

This can become a problem because babies have limited stomach capacity and these foods are filling.

When your baby’s tummy is full, there’s a risk of missing other important foods and nutrients such as choline and DHA.

Whole grains, fruits and veggies also tend to be low in fat, which is an important nutrient for babies and their brain growth.

Certainly babies need these healthy foods, but they also need meat (or non-meat substitutes such as beans), fortified cereal, healthy fats and dairy (or fortified non-dairy) sources.

In fact, if I had the opportunity to re-write the food introduction guidelines, I’d advise the following:

  1. Meat First (because it’s full of iron, zinc, B vitamins, choline and other nutrients important for brain development.)
  2. Vegetables (because these are a learned taste and flavor and need more time and exposure for acceptance.)
  3. A variety of iron-fortified whole grains, fruit, and dairy products (or non-dairy alternatives if necessary, introduced as yogurt and cheese or as a baked in ingredient. (Note: no liquid milk until one year of age.)

Of course, there’s eggs, fish, peanuts, and nut butters — the food allergens that need to be introduced before 12 months, too. 

My stance on “which foods first” is based on nutrient priorities and your baby’s budding flavor palate.

[Read: How to Introduce Peanuts to Your Baby]

Case in Point:  

Josh, at 13 months, was eating a high fiber diet, filled with whole grain breads, lots of vegetables and fruits, and very little added fat.

In fact, his mom stated,

“I never thought to add fat to his meals—I thought that would be unhealthy.”

Josh’s diet appeared very healthy on paper, but in reality, it wasn’t meeting his nutritional needs.

For example, babies need 40-50% of their total calories in the first year from fat.

Josh certainly wasn’t getting this.

Once Josh’s mom understood that babies need a good amount of fat daily and where and how to get it, she was able to plan more appropriate meals for him.

The added benefit?

With fat, foods (especially vegetables) were tastier and he ate better.

Mom opened up to more variety (French toast, pancakes, sandwiches, etc—all cut up in bite-sized pieces) and Josh enjoyed eating again.

Mistake #4: Allowing Bites or Gulps of Adult Foods 

Just a little sip of my coffee? Sure.

A bite of my brownie? Why not!

What’s the harm in a little sip of soda, a taste of coffee, or a bite of a brownie?

Nothing immediate, but over the long haul, you might find your little infant growing up to be a soda swigging, sweet tooth kid if you’re not careful.  

It’s true—what we offer babies now influences their taste preferences later on.

Regarding sweets for babies, I suggest holding out until age two.

The American Heart Association makes the same recommendation.

What about the one year birthday cake?

It’s ok because it’s not a “regular” offering.

Avoiding sugary foods early in life may help curb your baby’s sweet tooth.

She may kick the sweet preference into high gear later on, but you’ll have armed her with early exposure to healthier fare.

Remember I said those tummies are tiny?

They don’t give much leeway for sweets. I wouldn’t want you to sacrifice nutritious foods for them.

I also recommend holding off on caffeine, too.

Babies don’t need a stimulant (aren’t we mostly trying to calm them down?!), nor do toddlers or children for that matter.

There’s no place for caffeine in a child’s diet—so if you can manage to avoid it, bravo.

Last, artificial sweeteners and colors fall into this category too.

Try to limit them, especially for babies and young toddlers, even if “just one bite” seems harmless.

The dose relative to body weight is considerable.

I’ve searched and searched, and there’s no upside to offering artificial food colors to young children.

Move Forward with Self Feeding Wisdom

Of course, don’t beat yourself up if you’ve made any of the above baby self feeding mistakes.

Just take a step forward and make the adjustments you need to feed your baby well and with confidence.

That’s the fast path to encouraging self feeding and helping your baby move through his feeding and eating milestones.

Need More Help with Encouraging Self Feeding?

My book, The Smart Mom’s Guide to Starting Solids is a quick read that cuts through the fluff and gives you exactly what you need to know to feed your baby in the first year.

A baby feeding schedule, baby feeding chart, baby food stages, baby food chart, when to start solids and more!

Grab your copy today!

Don’t forget to check out our workshops, classes and guidebooks to help you raise nourished children, inside and out.

BABY FEEDING MISTAKES | AVOID 4 Baby Blunders & Start Your BABY on a HEALTHY EATING PLAN (For Real!)


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This post was updated September 2020 from its original.

Until what age is breastfeeding recommended?

How long can I breastfeed?

Currently, the World Health Organization (WHO) and UNICEF* place great emphasis on continued breastfeeding in children older than 1 year of age, recommending that this process be continued up to two years of age or beyond. After 2.5 years, the child goes through the process of natural extinction of the sucking reflex. Gradually, he nullifies all feedings, simply ceasing to need the sucking process as such.

WHO is known to recommend breastfeeding up to 2 years of age and beyond if the mother wishes. Domestic pediatricians, based on practical experience and scientific research, voice the figure - up to 1.5 years. In any case, the choice remains with the mother and will depend primarily on the readiness of both the mother and the child to stop this process. It is not recommended to stop breastfeeding during the illness of the child, during the period of his vaccination, during other stressful conditions, as well as in the summer season. It is possible to successfully save HB even after a year, but under a number of conditions.

Is it good to breastfeed after a year?

After a year, breast milk changes its composition, but not for the worse. The main reason for these changes is that milk is no longer the main food for the baby, and other functions come to the fore. The older the child becomes, the more the concentration of immunoglobulins in milk increases, which protect the child from diseases. Studies have shown that in the second year of lactation, the content of total protein in milk increases, as well as such an important protein as lactoferrin. Breast milk contains leukocytes and a number of anti-infectious factors, as well as antibodies against infectious agents previously transferred by the mother.

  1. Breastfeeding after a year should not "interfere" with the organization of rational nutrition of the child, providing for the introduction of basic products, dishes, the formation of a diet and a certain ritual of eating. GW during this period should not be a "snack". The child must learn in a timely manner to eat from a spoon, chew, observe certain rules of behavior at the table.
  2. Breastfeeding after one year should not "prevent" the child from growing up. Such child's emotions as resentment, pain, boredom, irritation, anger, feeling of loneliness, selfishness should not be “jammed” with breast milk. It is during this period of growing up that many mothers make a big mistake, without realizing it themselves, offering the breast not as a source of food, but as a source of emotional satisfaction. This can lead to a painful attachment of the child to the mother, later development of independence skills , which will burden both the mother and the baby himself. Instead of breast milk in these cases, the child may be offered such signs of attention as tactile caress, playing, reading a book, playing with plasticine, paints, etc.

If, for various reasons, mother and child do not see each other during the day (mother at work, baby in kindergarten, etc.), then it is reasonable to keep evening and one night breastfeeding (if the child wishes).

Author: d.m.s. Lukoyanova Olga Leonidovna

Breastfeeding on demand

You can often hear from a nursing mother: "I feed on demand, my baby requires a breast every 3.5 hours." Or: “I have always fed on demand. In a year, we already had 1 feeding in the evening, and my child calmly refused to breastfeed. Before talking about the demand of the child, it is necessary to find out what modern women mean when they say - "I breastfeed."

Modern mothers consider breastfeeding essential for feeding their baby. Just for feeding. Breast milk is food, the mother supplies the baby with the nutrients necessary for growth and development. When a baby suckles at the breast, he eats. Breastfeeding makes sense only as a process of supplying proteins, fats, carbohydrates, vitamins and microelements.

During suckling, the baby receives the necessary nutrients with mother's milk. This is the absolute truth. There is another unconditional truth, which is not given any importance in modern society, it is not taken into account and is not considered. Breastfeeding for a child is communication with the mother. We need to figure out how the child understands feeding on demand? Can he understand anything at all? Is there any difference for him how he is fed, for 15-20 minutes after 3.5 hours or in some other way?

What is on-demand feeding

On-demand feeding of a newborn baby means putting it to the breast for every squeak or search. Squeak and search movements in newborns, even as early as the second or third day of life, begin to appear much more often than after 3. 5 or 2.5 hours. The need for attachments increases rapidly, and by the 10-12th day of life, the need to attach to a child may occur 15-16 or more times a day. Applications vary in duration. The baby can fall asleep and sleep while sucking for, for example, 1.5-2 hours. Can release the breast after 1-2 minutes. And then ask her again. Why does a child need such frequent contact with his mother's breast?

That's why. Being in the mother's belly, in a calm, familiar environment, listening to the noises of the mother's body, being in a warm, cramped, confined space, the baby sucked his fist, fingers, loops of the umbilical cord, swallowed amniotic fluid. Learned to suck and swallow. After birth, experiencing discomfort for any, the most insignificant reason, the baby tries to get rid of it. You can get rid of discomfort by getting into the usual conditions of a comfortable stay. The only place where the baby after birth can feel the sensations familiar to him is in the arms of the mother. The only familiar action is sucking. The only familiar taste and smell is the taste and smell of milk and lube in the areola. Milk and lubricant have an odor and taste similar to the taste and smell of amniotic fluid. Therefore, experiencing discomfort, the baby squeaks, or begins to look for an object to suck with his mouth. Ideally, it is immediately applied to the chest. The baby becomes warm, cramped, he hears the beating of his mother's heart, breathing, grumbling in the intestines, he sucks and feels the familiar taste and smell. If such an action happens constantly, the baby gains confidence, no matter what happens, he will solve all his problems with his mother. The place of comfort is now under the breast, and you can suck on the breast.

This whole process is biologically justified. A newborn child does not feel the feeling of hunger, this feeling is not formed in him. It will begin to form at about two months of age. How to feed a creature that does not experience hunger ?! How to encourage him to take some action to get food? This can be done only at the expense of some other incentives. This stimulus for the newborn is constant bodily discomfort, thanks to which he wants to suckle all the time! The most intense, frequent and prolonged sucking in infants is observed in the first two or three months of life. It is in these first months that the main weight gain of the baby occurs.

Feeding in the first month

Baby falls asleep with the breast in his mouth, sucking for a while. Falling asleep deeply, lets go of the chest. After sleeping for a while, he wakes up, and is applied on waking. After sleep, he can stay awake for some time, for example, an hour and a half. During wakefulness, he may feel discomfort 2-3 times, for example, from a completely natural desire to pee, and having called his mother for help, having kissed for a couple of minutes, he will do his deeds. Then he will want to sleep, feel discomfort and, kissing his chest, will again fall asleep sucking. After some time, he will wake up and attach again. Then again a little "walk". And after some time, he will fall asleep at the chest again.

The daytime naps of a one-month-old infant feeding on demand vary in duration and number. There can be 4-6 dreams during the day, and they can last from 5-15 minutes to 2-2.5 sometimes 3 hours. "Around" each dream, the baby is applied to the chest, and applied between dreams several times. At night, the child falls asleep at the breast. Usually in the early morning hours, he begins to fuss and apply. In the morning, he almost never fully wakes up. The baby sleeps, from time to time, sucking on his mother's breast. Waking up in the morning, the baby is again applied to the chest. If you count all the attachments that have happened in a baby of one month of age, then approximately 16-20 attachments are obtained. This is how a newborn human cub behaves if it is given the opportunity to behave in accordance with physiological and psychological needs, which, by the way, are genetically determined. The child of the first months of life does not separate his personality from the personality of the mother and from her breast. Mom and her breasts, and everything connected with them, are the universe of the baby and himself.

In most cases, a modern woman, being afraid to “accustom a child to hands”, strives to limit his requests for suckling. A pacifier and a bottle of tea or water come to her aid in this matter. They, too, can be sucked ... The need for sucking seems to be satisfied. But only the need for communication with the mother during suckling is not satisfied, the peculiar chain of mutual assistance and cooperation between mother and baby is destroyed, the formation of maternal affection and concentration is disrupted. Is the difference in the two actions noticeable to the reader: the baby cried, the mother took him, put him to her chest and started rocking him, or gave him a pacifier and started rocking the stroller, even with the words “Why are you crying, my sun?”

The modern woman who gives a pacifier and pumps a stroller is not a bad person who deliberately harms an infant. She is simply in captivity of prejudices regarding the relationship between mother and baby. She does not know how to behave correctly, does not know what to do in accordance with the natural needs of the child. If you tell her what the child really needs, she will exclaim in horror: “What is it, don’t let him get away with?!” Indeed, the child of the first months of life must not be let off the hook. For a woman who does not know how to comfortably carry a baby, and who does not know how to feed him in various positions (sitting, lying, standing and even moving), this can be very difficult. Especially if she is not sure of the correctness of her actions.

An action that should become automatic for the mother of a newborn: when the baby cries or shows other signs of anxiety, put the baby to the breast.

What's next?

The baby is growing. A fairly stable rhythm of daytime sleep begins to form in him, and a 3-4-month-old baby behaves quite differently from a newborn. Feeding on demand at this age looks something like this...

  • At three months, the baby has 10-12 feeds during the day and 2-4 at night. There are frequent applications for a short time, but their number is reduced. There may be a long night break in feedings, about 5 hours, but this is very rare. Much more often the night break is 2.5-3.5 hours. By this age, the baby's body is noticeably rounded.
  • At four months, the baby begins to breastfeed noticeably less frequently. The main feedings are associated with sleep: the baby suckles before bedtime, during awakening and during sleep, both daytime and nighttime. In this regard, he has a fairly accurate feeding regimen. And many babies stop breastfeeding when they wake up after daytime sleep, sometimes as early as 2.5-3 months.
  • At five months, the baby has 8-10 daytime feedings and 2-3 nighttime feedings, as well as in the fourth month of life, they are organized around dreams - the baby eats when going to bed and some babies suckle when they wake up.
  • Feeding regimen changes at six months. The most active sucking shifts to the last 2-3 hours before waking up from a night's sleep. The period of daytime wakefulness can be divided into two periods: in the morning, when the baby sucked during the night is rarely applied to the breast, and in the evening, when attachments become very frequent. In total, there can be 7-10 day applications and 3-4 night applications. At this age, the baby begins a period of acquaintance with new food - pedagogical complementary foods. Sometimes there are attachments associated with the introduction of complementary foods, the baby “washes down” samples of new food with mother's milk. But many children do not want to drink complementary foods. When complementary foods are introduced to an on-demand baby, it is never meant to replace feedings with complementary foods. This is practically impossible, because the main feedings of the baby are associated with sleep, and mother's breakfasts, lunches and dinners, during which the baby gets acquainted with new food, are located between the baby's dreams, during his wakefulness.
  • At seven months, the frequency of applications is about the same.
  • At eight months, the feeding regimen changes. Since the baby shows high motor activity and is very busy exploring the surrounding space, in the daytime he forgets to breastfeed. In this regard, the number of daily feedings can be reduced to 6-8 times. The baby compensates for the reduction in daytime feedings by increasing the frequency and duration of nighttime feedings up to 6 times.
  • In the second half of the year, babies who stopped breastfeeding on waking from daytime naps recall this habit again. The baby’s daytime sleep in the second half of life, as well as in the region of a year and older, looks something like this: the baby falls asleep sucking, sleeps quietly for a while, for example 1-1.5 hours, then starts tossing and turning, fiddling, worrying, at this moment the mother lies down next to , gives him a breast and the baby can fill up 10-15-30 minutes sucking. Mom may well use this time for her own rest - lie down, read, while the baby sleeps while sucking. I know my mother, a lover of embroidery, who used this time specifically for embroidery ...
  • Breastfeeding becomes more frequent at nine to ten months. In the daytime, this is 4-6 full feedings and about the same number of attachments for various reasons. The baby has new reasons for attachment. If, during active actions to master the world, the baby fills a bump or gets scared, he calms down with his mother's breast. There may be situations when you can comfort the baby by sitting next to him and hugging him. At night, 4-6 feedings remain, the baby begins to suckle more actively in the morning between 3 and 8 hours.
  • At eleven months, a baby can already have 2-3 complete complementary foods. Initiation to adult food in the mind of a child is not associated with breastfeeding: attachment to the mother's breast is something other than the desire to get enough of the product they like. As a rule, after the baby has eaten, he feels the need to attach himself to the breast. The number of daily feedings remains the same in the child, but the number of short-term attachments increases. There are active mid-morning feedings between 4 and 8 o'clock in the morning.
  • At ten or twelve months, the baby, if he is already walking, can sometimes breastfeed every time he comes to his mother, i.e. about every 15-30 minutes. Attachments around dreams and night sucking persist. Therefore, if a mother says that a child suckles once or twice a day, this means that there is no feeding at the request of the child. There are restrictions imposed by the mother, with which the baby has come to terms. He treats breast sucking like food, sucks on a pacifier or a finger to fall asleep or soothe, or falls asleep just like that, without calming down.
  • At twelve months, the baby is applied in about the same way.
  • At the age of one and a half years, there may already be one daytime nap, so there are fewer attachments associated with sleep. Preserved for morning sucking. The baby is very free with his mother's breasts. Sometimes it happens that he comes up to suck just for fun. For example, like this: he comes up, climbs on his knees, looks into his mother’s face, smiles, starts to swarm in his shirt, gets breasts, smiles at his breasts, sucks for 30 seconds and leaves.

As for the number of feedings per day when feeding a child on demand, their number is almost never less than 12. A newborn has 12 or more attachments, mostly they are all associated with dreams. And a child, say 1.5-2 years old, can also have about 12 attachments, only 3-4 are associated with sleep, and the rest are short-term attachments for various reasons. I suggest to all mothers reading this text - do not count the application, do not notice their duration. Breastfeed your baby as often as he asks, when you feel the need to.

Mothers who do not think about breastfeeding without looking at the clock may get the impression that when feeding on demand, the mother can do nothing but feed the baby. This is wrong. After the birth of a baby, a mother begins another life, she is called life with a baby. That's all. The child is with the mother, not the mother with the child! Feel the difference! You need to be able to organize your life in a different way, in the first months, of course, the help of loved ones is very necessary. In the tradition of many peoples, it was customary for the first 40 days after childbirth to remove a woman from any housework and household chores, she was engaged only in a child. In some nations, objects that the mother of a newborn touched were considered “unclean”, therefore, they preferred to protect the mother from the rest of the household, allocating her a separate “corner” of the house, where no one bothered her and she did not interfere with anyone. Among the Slavs, such a restrictive custom was called a six-week. By 1.5-2 months, the rhythm of daytime dreams begins to form, and the baby has a kind of “regime”, the mother becomes more free.

For a mother who can't imagine breastfeeding without looking back at the clock, and who is sure that the “right” baby is the baby lying quietly in her crib all the time, feeding on demand will be a complete hassle. It will be much easier for such a mother if she stops looking at the clock and ties the baby to herself with a large scarf or uses a patchwork holder (sling). It will become easier for her if she stops running between the nursery and the kitchen, but takes the baby with her to the kitchen and carries him around the house with her, doing housework, in a box, a cradle, a special chair, if she tries not to put him off often, and pick up as soon as possible, postponing the baby only in case of emergency and not for long.

Breastfeeding is not the same as house arrest. In the conditions of modern society, it is possible to organize the exit of a nursing mother to work from about 6 months of age of the baby. If necessary, you can start working from the age of 4 months, but, of course, it is better not every day of the week and not full time. It is the responsibility of a breastfeeding consultant to help a mother organize her return to work.

Sometimes, when I advise mothers on breastfeeding, I suggest that they forget for a second that they are already living in the 21st century. I propose to return, for example, to the cave and ask what they will do if the child woke up at night, how to calm him down? If you are walking through the forest and trying not to attract the attention of predators, how to make the baby silent? If the child is thirsty, what will you give him? What is the baby used to, for thousands of years of its existence? To the fact that he sleeps on his mother while she wanders through the forest with a digging stick in search of roots, and wakes up when mother stops. Since mom stopped, then there is time to wake up and suck. Therefore, even now the child sleeps well, tied to the mother with a patchwork holder, wakes up when the mother, having done a few household chores, sits in a chair to take care of the baby.

Some mother, reading about the cave, will get offended and say that she is a civilized being. But please think. Man, mother's breast and mother's milk have been created by evolution over millions of years. They are made for each other. Baby food has created progress and more recently. The skills of motherhood and breastfeeding have also been lost by our society quite recently. A person is not physiologically adapted to artificial feeding and a pacifier. The mother's breast will not produce enough milk at 6-7 feedings per day. Nature did not know, when creating man as a mammal, that the time would come when the need for breastfeeding would be satisfied by some kind of pacifiers and nipples.

Changes that occur during the formation of the personality of a child who did not have full contact with the mother during prolonged breastfeeding are noted by modern research by psychologists and sociologists. These are changes with a minus sign. It would be better if they were not, these changes.

Breastfeeding is not only important for the baby, it is also important for the mother. During on-demand feeding, the woman's feelings change, a stronger attachment to the baby is formed, the woman becomes more sensitive to the needs of the baby.

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